November 12th, 2008
The Unbearable Sweetness of Being Broke
Something not entirely unexpected has happened in the wake of my layoff two and a half months ago - we’ve been, well, pretty much broke. One month after my two children moved back in with me after being with their dad for a year and a half, my position as a receptionist in a corporate head office was abolished due to cutbacks. My fiance was working full-time and has truly shown his commitment by unflinchingly taking on the role of breadwinner while my severance pay and unemployment insurance benefits kicked in (after a six-week waiting period! Ugh!).
It was in this time that we really fell behind on all the bills - we even had to borrow money to pay rent - and we found ourselves picking up cans in the street for redemption so we could, oh, I don’t know, take our clothes to the laundromat or get a loaf of bread. We shed everything superfluous (movie rentals friday night, hot chocolate at Starbucks, homemade nachos) and found ourselves rationing bread and cutting out snacks. No eating out of boredom. No junk food. No blowing cash at HMV or at the Eaton Centre for a quick hit of feeling “rewarded” or otherwise in the loop somehow (no cellphone, either - but then again, that’s been shut off for about six months now. And I do not miss it, not one little bit).
Living in Montreal, we are also faced with an encroaching reality that winter will not wait until my income increases. I was in need of a new winter coat and had been planning since spring to get a tidy little peacoat from Old Navy - certainly not expensive, but it seemed reasonable to me. But when I’m counting how many bags of dried lentils I have to make it through meals for twelve days, what seemed reasonable needs to be reassessed.
I’m so glad that I was put in that position - yesterday at the local secondhand thrift shop, I found a nearly-new ankle-length double-breasted wool and cashmere peacoat in a dark, dark charcoal - a perfect fit! - and at an unreal price - all of $9.99. I congratulated myself all day long. My teenagers will have to do a trip there with me in the next few days as well.
In the last six weeks, I’ve sewn more patches, made more alterations, recycled more, cooked healthier, consumed less convenience refreshments, and generally slowed down. I’m growing out my Sinead O’Connor ‘do from the summer and I’m trimming the edges myself, revelling in the complete lack of chemical damage to my hair. And huzzah! - I’ve got this whole Victoria Beckham pixie thing happening and it’s not cost me a dime!
I’m wearing far less makeup and drinking much more herbal tea. We’re all eating a mountain of brown rice and beans, and my teenagers consider steamed edamame a fantastic snack. Warren in the last three months has lost over 20 pounds (don’t ask what I’ve lost - it certainly is not 20 pounds. I’ve taken a sabbatical from the scale, if for nothing else, to preserve my self-esteem). Our lifestyle has become incredibly spartan and we’re counting pennies like we’ve never done before. It’s humbling, to be sure…but somehow, we can’t argue with the simplicity of it.
While I’m somewhat discouraged at the lack of response from employers, other possibilities are quietly revealing themselves in a way they couldn’t have before. Being broke has created a change in focus and a stirring of creativity borne of longing and the need for resourcefulness. More and more, I’m turning over stones and digging deeper and I’ve found myself thankful for the process. It may sound cliched or overly optimistic, but it’s true - I feel richer than I did when I was earning 40% more than my current income and I am surprised and delighted to discover the sweetness in doing more with far, far less.
November 12th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
You are keeping positive and finding new ways of living. It’s about twenty years since I was unemployed. I remember treating finding a job as if it were a job and just when I thought nobody will ever employ me, someone did. The good thing is I now know that it is possible to survive these blips in life and they do get better.Your blogs would be the good basis for a book.
November 13th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I remember those times so well, when finding a couple of pennies down the sofa meant the difference between getting a bread loaf or not. Well done you on your positivity, I know you-re gonna come out of this more the richer.You are in my heart.
November 25th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
thank you for writing this. bravo are your positivity. i love story’s of challenges lined with positivity, you will be and are already richer and succeeding with that great attitude! and i think the idea of a book isn’t bad at all, because i show enjoyed reading your story. thanks again and bless you.