Comments on: It’s Just Hair

By: Beth Fehlbaum

Beth Fehlbaum — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 09:55:49 +0000

Let’s see, I have three daughters, ages 22, 20, and 18. Among them, we have (or have had): a tattoo, cotton-candy pink hair, jet black hair, black hair with bright red streaks, a pierced nose, multiple piercings of the ears– up and down the edge and through the center and traggus (sp?)..get where I’m goin’ here?
AND among them, we have: all three graduated high school as Distinguished (the above-and-beyond diploma)- and all three were Honor graduates; a free ride to a state university, multiple scholarships (because of going to state contests for writing), one is in grad school & headed for a PhD in Women’s Studies; one is in college & headed for a Masters in Library Science; and one is college-bound to become a Nurse-Practitioner, which requires a Masters degree.
What we HAVEN’T HAD: I’m not a grandmother yet, and I’m 42; no drugs, very, very little under-age drinking..I know there’s a lot worse stuff besides that, but those were my three main concerns that they avoid when they were in high school.
I agree with you, Debra: pick your battles and let your kids know that artistic expression is acceptable. Above all, my kids know that there is nothing they can do to make me stop loving them. NOTHING.
Awesome post, thanks!
Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
http://www.kunati.com/courage-in-patience
Chapter 1 is online!

By: Renée Letros

Renée Letros — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:00:40 +0000

It’s just hair.

Totally pick your battles.

Then again…I shave off all my hair weekly, a la Sinead O’Connor! I spent too many years feeling like a slave to my hair…this is liberating.

By: Samara

Samara — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:40:38 +0000

You are right. You totally have to pick your battles. You also have to allow a teenager to try new things and learn to think for themselves. A child that cannot think for themselves because they are always told exactly what to do can be as bad as one that has “run wild” because they’ll listen to anyone.

Yet, I have to admit that I am on the conservative side, as well, and would have freaked. I’m a person that is embarrassed rather easily (a fault I realize, one that I am working on). I wouldn’t be comfortable with the attention such a bold statement must draw.

But, I am sure my mother felt the same way about some of the colorful outfits I sported in my teen years.

I have a teen-age son that is fond of the typical hip-hop culture attire: saggy jeans, hoodies, a t-shirt hanging around the neck. I draw the line on the jeans hanging below a certain point or wearing a hood when we are inside a store.

By: MissMeliss

MissMeliss — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:37:12 +0000

I’m almost 38 and I still have pink hair, and I love it. (Though I’m going blue in fall.) I’m not a parent, but I was the kid whose mother gave safe sex lectures at the dinner table, informed us that no, we did not have to marry the first person we slept with, and let us have tastes of wine at family parties.

Neither my stepbrother nor I has ever abused the privilege - we never got drunk, never smoked anything (well, except for Krakatoas in college), never had to deal with STDs or unwanted pregnancy, and I really believe a lot of this is because our parents didn’t stigmatize anything, or withhold information.

There was some concern when my stepbrother decided to become a cop in L.A., but that’s another story.

By: A.B. Monk

A.B. Monk — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:37:55 +0000

I like your point about teenagers tuning their parents out if they are lectured about every little thing. I totally did that when I was a teen, just a few years ago.

By: dawn

dawn — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:59:04 +0000

It’s totally “just hair.” I still, even in my 40s, have that attitude. If I get a bad haircut, who cares? It’s just hair.

When I was 17, I dyed my hair blue and had designs shaved into it. Drove my dad nuts (but he raised me to be an individual, so shouldn’t he have been proud of me???).

When I was 32, I shaved my head. And I loved it. It was the most comfortable style I’ve ever had.

Even today, I cut it off, let it grow long, cut it again. It’s just hair. I don’t wrap my identity up in it. I’m so much more.

By: Lorissa

Lorissa — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:20:21 +0000

I think you hit the nail on the head with “it’s just hair” and you will “pick [your] battles”. Really, that says it all. Purple hair is pretty darn cool in my book anyway, but as a parent you’ll be faced with much bigger issues and rather take a stand on those than something like hair colour which can be changed at will.

Besides, it’s a kids duty to annoy their parents with things like this. Ask my mother about my “grunge stage”, followed by my “goth stage”. Oh, the fights about black nail polish and lipstick. Sigh.