In addition to acting, you have also directed. What’s your approach, and do you think being an actor makes you a better director?
Yes. Yes, I have. And actually, I think every actor should direct once, and every director should act once, and every actor and director should write once, and every writer should do all three, if they want to be in this form of artistic endeavor. Because what you gain by doing it once – and I don’t mean in a full-fledged production, it can be in a workshop – but you’ve got to have the experience of having directed.

You gain an appreciation and a respect for the discipline of that particular element of the creative process in a way that you can’t appreciate until you try to do it yourself. And a lot of actors think, “Oh, I know what I’m doing,” and then, when you go to direct and actually have to deal with it and try to realize the full picture of the material, and orchestrate the arc of the story, and deal with the personalities of the individual actors, because you can’t just ask actors to do it the way you would do it. You have to allow them to build that character the way they want to do it, as long as it’s truthful and it fits your vision.

And you have to be the father. You’ve got to be the mother. You have to be the patriarch and the captain of the ship. You have to make a million and one decisions. You have to make compromises all the time. You have to know how to design a set in a way that is actor-friendly, and you have to know your shots, know your discipline.

You mentioned writers should attempt acting and directing, and that actors should try writing. You’ve written a memoir. Were you a reader before you became a writer?
Oh, yes. Yes! I’m an avid reader. I do like reading. I was never heavy into novels, per se, but I like really, really good mysteries. I think that was how I got hooked on reading – with Nancy Drew! – and it just kind of went on from there. And then I got fascinated with biographies, and then I wound up finding myself going back to novels, and I realized something about novel reading, which was, I think you can read a novel for style. Like, if you like John Updike’s writing – I remember when I read Rabbit, Run - but I tended to lean toward a story that captured me or a character that captured me, probably because of my own passion for acting.

So one of the things, when I sat down to write a memoir that sort of concerned me was, how do I capture the audience that might want to read it, in terms of trying to find a context and a way of telling the story. And now, just recently, I’ve been thinking about doing the thing I just said, which is to see if I can write some stories through a screenplay or even a play, although a play is a bit intimidating – the idea of trying to write a play, but maybe that’s a good thing, that it’s intimidating, and I should try it. So, I’m going to do that.

While I haven’t read your memoir yet, when I was prepping for this conversation, I came across something about you being a racecar driver. What led you to do that, and what did you get out of the experience?
Well, I had an experience when I was in high school in St. Louis. One of my best girlfriends’ father was a car dealer - or had a car dealership – and he bought a closed old track out in St. Louis. So one Sunday after Mass, we all climbed in a car together and we went out there and I handed out pit passes. At that time they were just using the straightaway for funny cars, and rails and stuff, and I just became fascinated with the machinery and the smell and the sounds, and the whole thing. It just was quite a trip – I loved it!

So I did it several times, and then I just kind of forgot about it, and then I was on a plane one time going from New York to L.A., and Paul Newman was on the plane. We were chatting because we knew each other socially, and he was going out to a track that was going to close, out in L.A., called Riverside, and I went, “Oh, you know…” and we just were talking about it, and he said, “Well, why don’t you come on out?”

So I did. I kind of became a groupie for a while, and I would follow the team around, and then he suggested one day that maybe I would like to go to a racing school (and I had no idea they even had them), so I wound up going to about four different schools over the year, and then, in order to get a license to be able to race, you have to go to still another school that was out in Palmdale in L.A. (This is when I was living in L.A.), and through a friend of mine, Marc Staenberg - he’s a lawyer in L.A. – he said, “What do you think – ” because he had gone – we had both taken classes at some of the same schools, he said, “We could put a little kind of mom-and-pop weekend team together.”

So we did, and we had a great time doing it for a couple of seasons. During that time I met Mike Lewis, who is out of San Diego and is an SSCA championship driver, and he said, “Why don’t you come and join our team, and we’ll build you a car, and you know, you’ll have a larger number of races to do.” So I would do about – I don’t know – about twelve to fourteen races a year, and we had a full-fledged team, and the big truck, and cars and a crew chief, and a volunteer crew every weekend. We raced practically every weekend from, I would say, January into September, and I made the Valvoline run-offs three times, and it was great. I drove a Mazda RX7 in the GT3 class and I had a phenomenal experience.

And on the other end of the spectrum, you’ve also been a farmer in New Mexico. Tell us a bit about that, please?
Well, I still live there, and I have a full-fledged working farm. It’s certified organic, and I grow certified organic medicinal herbs, and I’m appointed by the governor to the New Mexico Organic Commodities Commission. I’ve been involved in organic growing for fifteen years.

When I made the move to New Mexico, I just bought raw land, and one thing led to another. I didn’t intend to be a farmer at all, but I really became interested in it and I began to learn about permaculture and bio-dynamic farming, as well, which is a slightly different approach to farming that started in Europe – in Germany – around 1900, and it’s quite established and very commonplace in Europe, but it’s a little bit more rarified here.

So I just began to, you know, really work with that and then what followed was a line of products – wellness products – for the throat and the immune system, and then I developed a bath and body line utilizing the same herbs that we grew, and worked on the formulas with a master herbalist in Albuquerque - Mitch Coven - who owns a company called Vitality Works. We were selling him wholesale herbs and he was very supportive of the farm. He thought we were doing a really great job, and he was telling me how difficult it is to get high-quality certified organic herbs, so I just kept experimenting with what we could possibly grow, and we’ve had a wonderful working relationship now for ten years or so.

So that’s what I’ve been doing whenever I’m not working, and then when I’m working, I have a great crew at the farm and I make all the decisions, and we have weekly farm meetings via, you know, like this [Skype], and faxes, and even when I was in Europe doing - in London, doing the play - the time difference worked out great so I was able to come home from the theater at three o’clock in the morning and I could then make contact with the farm and find out what was happening and what decisions needed to be made and suggestions, and stuff like that.

So that’s what I’ve been doing whenever I don’t work in the theatre. Or in television, for that matter.

When you’re at home on the farm, do you maintain the same level of workout, or do you ease off a little bit?
Well, I don’t have to, because being a farmer is so physically demanding. First of all, I’m up really early – usually around 5:30 or so - and I meet with the men and the team and everything – the grower and the property manager – and there’s a full day. I’ve got a lot of dogs and I rescue animals. And, we have a lot going on at the farm. You’re constantly planning and planting and harvesting and ploughing and cutting and hover-cropping, and all kinds of stuff that by the time you get to December you kind of feel like, “Wow, it’s great, I get to put the farm - as I call it – put the farm to sleep.” And it does give us a little bit of a breather.

But my day is physically very demanding because I’m all over the place and I’m - sometimes I’m riding a piece of machinery, but more often than not I’m walking, and I’m lifting – and when you’re planting, you have to do good things for your body, because you’re leaning over…and either harvesting or planting is very tough on your back. So you have to take good care of yourself, but I don’t have to necessarily go and work out as much because lifting twenty-five pounds of something is equal to going and working with a trainer in a gym.

When you’re not actively working on the farm, and not on stage, how do you relax? Do you meditate, go soak in a bubble bath? What do you do?
Oh, I’m a heavy duty meditate-r. I learned Siddha meditation from Swami Muktananda in the seventies and eighties. He’s passed on, and his successor is Gurumayi, who is a wonderful teacher, so I’ve studied Kashmir Shaivism and Vedanta.

I also like to read a lot of spiritual material. The Advaita readings, as well as some Buddhist readings, and I find that world very satisfying, and that philosophy very… It answered a lot of questions for me when I was younger, so it really works for me very well.

What advice would you give to young – or not-so-young – women looking for a creative outlet?
First, writing is a creative outlet. And the second thing is - to find what interests you – use the practice of giving yourself an artist’s day. Look at your schedule and carve out time, just for yourself with nobody else, and no distractions, and go and do something, whether it’s to look at a button shop, or go to a museum, or read a book, or go and buy some art supplies and doodle, or take a camera out and just take pictures of things, so that you will find what it is of a creative impulse that makes you feel good. But you’ve got to give yourself that uninterrupted time.

I started doing that years ago, and it’s very, very helpful to do, and it’s a great way to de-stress. Especially – look, even if you have kids or whatever, get somebody in for a few hours in the afternoon or even of an evening, and then you take that time just for yourself, and you go.

The most important thing is not for it to be social, but for it to be purely your time, to see what it is that you would like to do. But just…do that. Go to a button shop or a bookstore. I like wandering through bookstores. You don’t have to buy anything. You can spend the whole day in a bookstore.

The other thing is that everyone should write. It doesn’t have to be for publication…but everyone has their story. Everyone should write.
Marsha Mason will be appearing in Happy Days at the California Shakespeare Festival, from August 12th-September 6th, in Orinda, California.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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You have a career that many people have been following since the 1970’s, but our readership is international, and spans many generations. How do you want people to know you?
I’ve always just thought of myself as a very good working actor. So, I’ve done television, and now I’m sort of concentrating more in theatre because the parts in theatre are more interesting, and they challenge me in a way that the material in television hasn’t. So, you kind of – when you’re a working actor you go to what really interests you, and what challenges you, and I guess, too, what scares you, you know, in terms of choices of material and everything. And so that’s pretty much who I am. I just think of myself as a working actor.

“And the best way to deal with your fear really is to face it and continue to move forward even though you’re scared to death. But it’s okay to be scared to death.”

You mentioned that you have to look at what scares you. Is that something that you’ve always done?
Yeah, I think so – well – not always, in the sense of when I was much younger, I just wanted to do everything, and so I do have, I suppose, a kind of reckless spirit if you will. By going off to New York and St. Louis, and wanting to be on a stage, which is a scary thing to do even if you want to do it…

And then I raced cars for seven years, I became a farmer for fifteen out in New Mexico, as well as continue to work as an actor. And then, along the way, a lot of therapy… And it’s in that period that I really realized that you can’t have your choices driven by fear. And the best way to deal with your fear really is to face it and continue to move forward even though you’re scared to death. But it’s okay to be scared to death.

I’ve always thought that reckless behavior can lead to really inspiring results.
Oh, I think so, too. And I think as you mature, and start to have some sense of yourself, some self-awareness, you realize how to face those things and do kind of awesome things, but at the same time not place yourself in harm’s way. That’s a big issue, too. You can’t just be reckless for the sake, you know, and not understand that there are always consequences to every action. So you do have to develop an intuitive or instinctual sense, and be able to take care of yourself at the same time.

Let’s backtrack a minute. One of the parts you are still most known for, all these years later, is The Goodbye Girl. Do you ever resent that this one part has had such strong recognition for so long?
Oh, I certainly never resent it at all. I’m very, very grateful that the movie touched so many people, and that it’s moved on from mother to daughter, and that it still holds up when it’s on television. I haven’t seen it for quite a while, but I can tell that, you know, from what people tell me, because they’ll watch it – I think it was on not too long ago – and so it holds up, and I think that that is in great response to the fact that it’s really a well-written movie.

I’ve heard a lot, about mothers and daughters passing on that film, watching it together. I think there’s something really wonderful about it, and I think that Neil [Simon] had the pulse of something, and, you know, when he wrote that.

It’s really a timeless film. Do you look for parts like that – with a universal quality that everyone can relate to, or do you just pick what interests you?
I mostly, I think, pick what interests me, because I’ve sort of found over the years that if it interests me then it tends to be something that will interest other people. I mean, not more esoteric choices like – I did Hecuba, a Greek tragedy, in Chicago a few seasons back – a new adaptation by Frank McGinnis, and it was hugely successful in London, and I wanted to approach that just from a personal challenge point of view because it was such a big part in a lot of ways, not just words, but in terms of the scale of the emotional life of the character and everything.
And I’m going to go to California to the California Shakespeare Theatre in August to do Happy Days, by Samuel Beckett, which is a play about existentialism in today’s world through the eyes of a single woman who is caught in a mound from her waist up in the first act, and from her neck up in the second, and it, too, is a very large part and rather challenging because it’s Samuel Beckett, which is a very different kind of writing – as well as the size – and then the limitations, the physical limitation is going to be really interesting to work with.

You mentioned that you’ve been doing more theatre lately because you haven’t been finding interesting roles in television. Do you think that’s the state of television in general, or the state of television roles for women of a certain age, or… ?
I think that there are a few actresses who, you know, probably work whenever they want to, like Meryl Streep, or something, but I do know that there – we do – women of a certain age do struggle to find material that challenges them.

Part of that is personal, in that if you’ve done really fabulous parts like Jane Fonda has or I have, or Susan Sarandon, or Meryl, or whatever, then you’re going to look for something – you’re going to need something as challenging or as interesting, or the people that you are going to work with need to be as interesting in order for you to feel good about what you’re doing. So it gets a little bit harder, as you put more experiences under your belt, to find the same kinds of challenges or the same kinds of complexity in your characters, and then other times you just have to work because it’s important to keep your instrument moving and knowing what you’re doing, and keeping your name out there, and your face out there, so that people know you’re still alive.

I mean, part of the interesting side-effect of moving to New Mexico was that people thought I more or less retired, but part of that was because the parts just didn’t interest me, and I didn’t just take anything just to keep my little face out there, which may or may not have been the right decision, but the theatre is a completely different experience. And that has a very different level of responsibility, and time consumption.

I was talking with Joan Allen, one of the stars of this piece that I’m doing on Broadway now, Impressionism, and we were discussing there’s been a lot of talk about all these really wonderful women on Broadway this season, including Harriet Walter, and Janet McTeer, and Marcia Gay Harden, and Hope Davis, and a whole slew of us, and so the issue comes up about that women of a certain age thing, and Joan and I were coming to the conclusion that it’s interesting to write these articles about it, but after a while you start to feel, “Well, wait a minute. Are we just perpetuating it by talking about it this way?”

Since you mentioned doing more theatre, we should talk about what you’re doing now. You’re currently in the play Impressionism. Tell me what brought you back to Broadway, and then tell me a little bit about the play itself?

Well, what brought me back to Broadway was actually the director, Jack O’Brien, because he sent me the play, and I read it, and I was so taken with the dialogue, with the conversation that takes place between the two lead characters played by Jeremy Irons and Joan Allen, and then, subsequently these smaller parts of these people that drop in on their lives and their gallery.

And the basic theme of the play intrigued me. This idea of “how do you view life?” Do you view it impressionistically or photo-realistically? And what do those things really mean? And what is it that we see? And what is it that we don’t see that’s right in front of us?

And ultimately what I loved about it, too was that it was hopeful about two wounded people finding one another, and when was the last time you saw a love story or a romance on Broadway? It’s been quite a while, you know?

So all of those elements intrigued me, and then when you put Jeremy Irons, Joan Allen, and Jack O’Brien into that mix, you have to go and do it. You cannot not do it, because it’s going to be too exciting of an experience.

“You are dealing with the vibrational aspect of the audience because the audience as a single entity has a vibration. You can tell if the audience is with you or if it isn’t. You can tell if they’re kind of unruly. You can tell if they’re not engaged. You can feel it.”

With film, theatre and television, is the acting process different?
Well, for me, it’s the same. But I know that there are classes out there that people can take, that are about film acting, and sometimes you will hear that a stage actor can’t make the adjustment to film. His work is maybe too busy, or too big. I’ve heard that. But for me, that’s not been my experience, basically, or maybe they just didn’t tell me. I just take the same basic process, but I do understand what distance the acting has to fly – whether it’s just through the camera lens or to the back of the theater. And the sides of the theater.

So the process and the way I approach a character is the same, but there’s something about theatre acting that I really like because it’s so immediate. You are dealing with the vibrational aspect of the audience because the audience as a single entity has a vibration. You can tell if the audience is with you or if it isn’t. You can tell if they’re kind of unruly. You can tell if they’re not engaged. You can feel it. And there’s this extraordinary wonderful dance that they’re in with you, and at the same time you can be fully engaged with the other actor on the stage with you. And I like that, too, because you can work off of them.

In film it’s a little bit different because they’ll go in for a close-up and it’s just you and the camera and maybe, hopefully, the other actor is on the side of the camera or directly below it or wherever the sight-line has to be, so that’s a little bit different, but the process –the internal, personal process, is the same.

Tell me a bit about the part you play in Impressionism.
I play a very wealthy Park Avenue art patron who comes into a Chelsea gallery to buy a painting for her daughter who is about to have her first child, and I have very conflicted feelings about becoming a grandmother.

And then, I also play the wife of a painter, and it’s just a single line, but it gives me a completely different character to approach, and she’s Sandra Wilson, and she’s… Jeremy wanted to use a kind of Southern kind of accent, so I decided I would, too, that we met in the Carolinas somewhere and we were early lovers – an early childhood sweethearts kind of thing – and now he’s struggling and wherever his garret is, is his position, and he’s a philanderer and a womanizer and all those things, and so that’s that character.

And then I’m just a volunteer in an African little compound where a medical team is helping the children and the villagers, and Jeremy’s character in the play is a photo-journalist from National Geographic. But there I’m just kind of filling the milieu, if you will. But again, I get to look like and be somebody else.

And then the original character comes back, towards the end, after the baby’s born and she buys the painting. And she’s been deeply affected by the birth of her first grandchild.

Does playing multiple parts make it more challenging, or more fun?
More fun. Much more fun. That’s really why I wanted to do it, too. I mean, if I had just done the one, I don’t know if it would have sustained my enthusiasm for very long. But this way I get to have more fun, except that my poor face – I have to make these quick changes, and I have to change the make-up dramatically from one character to the next, so I’m putting it on, and taking it off, and now my skin is starting to rebel.

How do you balance the need to take care of your body with the demands of your craft?
Well, you have to. Especially in the theatre, you really need the physical energy. First of all, I’ve got to climb four flights to my dressing room, and that sort of tells you – that’s the great barometer. I can tell now that I’m in better shape than when we started in this theater, because I can get up those steps a lot faster.

But you have to. So I work out, and I have trainers, and I eat well. I try to sleep well. I’ll often take a nap, sometimes between shows, even if it’s just for a half hour, and I’ll sometimes take a nap in the afternoon, depending on if I’ve had a full day. And often, for me, I do have a full day, because I am either taking care of publicity, like this, and then after this, I have a farm meeting for an hour, and then I’m going to go and work out for an hour, and then I’ll lay down for an hour, and then go to the theater. So that’s my day.

Impressionism runs through May 10th at the Gerald Schoenfield theater. For more information, or to buy tickets, visit the show’s website at ImpressionismThePlay. Don’t forget to check back in June for the second half of our interview with Marsha Mason, where we talk a bit more about craft, writing, racing cars, and about her life as a New Mexico herb farmer.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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ATG: Hugh, why don’t you tell ATG readers a bit about yourself.

I’m a cartoonist. I had a background in advertising. I was an early adopter to the blogging phenom. A year ago I got sick of the big city and moved to Alpine, Texas. Recently I launched a fine art print business, which so far is going really well…

“I think one should have a sense of humor about one’s profession, or else they turn into an asshole real quick.”

ATG: Why did you move to Alpine, TX of all places?

Well, it wasn’t deliberate. My dad taught at Sul Ross, the local University, and I was living in London at the time. I had a gig in SFO and a gig in Austin about 3 weeks apart. And so I thought was no reason to go back [to London] in the interim so I’ll just go visit my dad. I had been here once before and I really liked it and I just came for a 3-week visit and then the visit came to an end and I told my dad I didn’t really want to leave. He said, “Well, you just got a book contract so you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I told my dad he was right—I mean, you can live like king here for 40 grand a year or so, and I wasn’t worried about the money, but going from a city of 10 million people to West Texas desert was a bit of a change… But, it wasn’t a hard adjustment, just a slow one. When I first got here I wasn’t really trying to make friends in a hurry, getting to know the town slowly and the people slowly. I kept a low profile.

ATG: How has the move to Alpine influenced your work?

I started doing large paintings again. Desert Manhattan, for one. But I still do the same stuff I was doing in London but I think it’s more…well, I have a lot less external pressure on me out here so I’m a bit more meditative I suppose. As opposed to…like a consultant in any big city where you are tap-dancing as fast as you can. Actually tap dancer is my nickname for consultants.

ATG: Thank you for that (I’m a consultant).

Well, tap dancer is a part of my job description, too. I think one should have a sense of humor about one’s profession, or else they turn into an asshole real quick.

“It’s kind of a book of advice…not really a how-to book, because I think if you are going to be creative you have to find your own journey.”

ATG: You have a book coming out in June—Tell me about it.

Ignore Everybody. 4 years ago, I wrote this blog post on how to be creative. All the tips that worked for me over the years—all the tips, the stuff I learned the hard way. I wrote the blog post for people that didn’t have my journey, didn’t go through all the shit I went through—maybe younger people. The blog post turned out to be really long—something like 10,000 words—and it was read and downloaded a couple million times.

One day I got a call from the lovely people at Penguin in New York and they said let’s make a book out of it. We signed the book deal and spent the last six months designing it and tweaking it and now it’s coming out in June and it’s terribly exciting-—it’s a nice feather in the cap.

ATG: What was your goal for the book?

Well, I wasn’t trying to be touchy-feely; I wanted to be realistic, but also brutally honest about the creative life but still inspirational, still motivational, still useful. And the other thing is I wanted a short—I didn’t want a big ol’ tome. 10,000 words. You can read that in a sitting.

It’s kind of a book of advice…not really a how-to book, because I think if you are going to be creative you have to find your own journey.

ATG: Do you have plans for a book tour to support the launch of Ignore Everybody?

Well, I know I am going to New York to do radio interviews. I don’t if know reaching out [in person] will sell more books or if just having a blog will reach more people in a fundamental way. I’ve seen book tours and they are a lot of work…most book signings are done by people you’ve never heard of (laughs). They [authors] just want to get out there on the road and get promoted. My work on the Internet is pretty well promoted.

ATG: You are a prominent figure on Twitter (Social networking platform). How will you use Twitter to promote your book?

Two ways: one, voraciously, and two, without shame. It’s funny because you can say Twitter is very 2.0, it’s about conversation, but what the hell does that mean? I’m online to create value for myself and other people and that’s the social contract. I create value for myself; I create value for you. Now which one comes first? That depends on what day you ask me. Some days I want to do something thoughtful and useful for other people and some days I just want to pimp the hell out of my shit. But if all I did was to promote [my work], it wouldn’t be as effective.

I think we all negotiate how much we talk and how much we listen—that’s what conversation means—it’s two ways.

ATG: Is there anything you miss about city life?

Not really. City life is fun for say, two or three nights. But then the reality of the stress and the expenses kick in. Seems like, as I get older, I need more and more quiet and solitude. Besides, my work allows me to go to the city any time I want, so I don’t feel deprived of it (city life).

Read some sample chapters of Hugh’s book, “Ignore Everybody” or pre-order his book.

Shanna Trenholm is a writer, animal lover, eater of dark chocolate, and teller of truths. She finds inspiration in the ordinary; magic in the mundane. She likes to take baths and naps (in that order). Send her some bubble bath here: www.shannatrenholm.com

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There is something to be said for allowing the desire for positivity in your life to win out over the negatives of past experiences. Countless self-improvement books and life coaches will tell you that in order to lead a conscious and fulfilled life you must focus on the good things and forget about the bad. I’m a strong believer that attitudes of gratitude and thankfulness will enhance your life, and that looking for the silver lining in every situation is beneficial. I believe in the restorative power of sleep as a path allowing you to treat each waking morning as it is: a brand new day. I have also discovered that sometimes, you have to be willing to go to the dark places in order to experience true growth.

Whether improving your golf game, learning a new language, or discovering what you really want out of life, it takes a concerted effort on your part. It’s easy to find a space in your life where you are comfortable and stay there; it doesn’t make you a bad person. Complacency, however, will inhibit change in a person. Let’s be honest: any successful growth takes hard work.

“…would I allow my past to prevent me from becoming a better person or would I find a way to deal with the hurtful things in my past?”

In my March column, I discussed how I had seen a more growth in myself as a person than I had seen in all of 2008. What I didn’t discuss at the time was this: in order to make that leap, I had to find the courage to face some of the demons of my past. It was not simply confronting those demons; it was digging into the roots and then making a choice: would I allow my past to prevent me from becoming a better person or would I find a way to deal with the hurtful things in my past?

Courage may come from within, but it is easier to find the courage if you have someone willing to hold your hand on the hardest days. I don’t know if I could have done it alone; I was blessed with having the support of a man who loves me unconditionally. Maybe that’s why I had been unwilling to go into the darker places of my mind in the past. The point is, once you allow yourself to venture into the dark places, will you stay there and dwell or will you find your way back into the light?

Confronting or at least coming to terms, with the demons of the past is a critical piece of becoming a more satisfied and focused individual. Like everything in life, however, it is a choice. You can choose to allow the difficulties of the past haunt you and hinder you from growth or you can choose to embrace them as simply a part of your past and grow beyond them. I chose to grow. I can honestly say that the positive changes in my life have made me a happier and more complete person. Allow yourself to explore the darkness; just remember that growing back into the light is what will separate you from the status quo.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. She now checks the 40-45 box on surveys, loves to travel and sings in the shower. She dreams of sunny beaches, moonlight nights, and shared adventures with the man she loves.  Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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“Administrative Assistants hold the keys to access and power in the world of business and if we wanted to be successful consultants, we’d heed his advice.”

Fast forward several years and it seems to me that the PW partner completely understated his advice. I would not be where I am today if I’d been stupid enough to cop an attitude with an Admin or treat someone who has such a key role in the organization with anything other than respect, gratitude, and genuine appreciation for their critical contribution. The talented Administrative Professionals with whom I’ve had the honor of working have ordered flowers for me when a family member passed away. They’ve arranged meetings that enabled million dollar decisions to be made. They’ve welcomed new employees to the organization with a fully functioning computer, phone, and all the logins needed on day one. One even provided a color-coded map of the building to ensure that my new employee wouldn’t get lost.

I’ve seen what happens to the poor schmucks who are operating under the false impression that an Administrative Assistant / Secretary / Administrative Professional is someone lower who should just take orders and shut up. Such a rookie mistake. See, you don’t mess with the Admin Mafia. You make one angry, or if one decides he or she doesn’t like you, you might as well pack your belongings into your overpriced designer briefcase and go home.

The network of Administrative Professionals at most companies is typically very strong. The visibility of their work demands that they coordinate coverage for their function at all times. When someone takes a break for lunch, there’s someone who takes over his or her phone lines, scheduling responsibilities, and any other requests that come in from the teams being covered. They talk, like most professionals on the same team, about the people and groups they support. You want them to say nice things about you. You want to be sure that you are on the Good List. If you treat them with respect, they will take care of you (and not in a dead horse head in the bed kind of way).

As an example, when you desperately need a meeting to come together, a meeting involving a lot of senior people with insane calendars, you pretty much have no chance of making it happen unless you can gain access to everyone’s calendar. Good luck with that. Your meeting will take place in October of 2021 if you try to schedule it yourself. Not exactly the best timing if you need to take action within the next decade or if you don’t want to conduct your meeting in a room the size of a closet with no A/V during lunch hour with no lunch.

These men and women in the Administrative Professional role work hard. They deal with more competing and overlapping priorities than almost any job I can think of, and most of them have the patience to chuckle at my lame jokes, the agility to jump through fiery hoops to help make a deadline, and the attention to detail to proactively adjust the lunch menu because they know that someone in the meeting is allergic to peanuts and we’d ordered Pad Thai.

If you missed Administrative Professionals Day this year (it was on April 22nd), have no fear. There’s always next year, April 21, 2010. Even better, don’t wait for a holiday to show your appreciation. A hand-written note, an e-mail thanking them with a cc to their manager, flowers with a thoughtful note, or hanging out with them over a cup of coffee are just a few ways to show your gratitude.

Elia Sheldon is a working mother of two daughters who lives in Chatham, NJ and manages large scale programs for a Fortune 50 company. She enjoys time with her family, working on her novel, and attending hot yoga classes. Her column focuses on providing ideas, thoughts, and advice to help demystify the corporate jungle and achieve better work life balance. Need advice? Send questions to: elia@eliasheldon.com.

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Reason Number One: (or) The Strange Mating Rituals of a Romantic

The story begins with a quilt covering my love interest’s bed, sewn by his grandmother, forty years prior.

“Completely by hand?” I said, running my hand over the quilt’s expanse. Uneven dark thread bordered hundreds of intricate triangles arranged like stars. Pale colors gave way to vibrant colors. Her embroidery transversed the surface in a cerebral latticework of swirls.

My love interest nodded, and I blushed despite myself. I thought about his grandmother, who had, so long ago, drawn her fingers over the fabric masterpiece. So strange that, years later, I would enter the picture only to experience hot flashes of yearning for not only one, but two of her creations; her grandson, and now her quilt!

I was suddenly overcome with an absurd and whimsical sense of connection with the old lady.

“I want to make one,” I said, rather rashly, in retrospect.

“Really? A quilt? You totally should.” He was excited by the idea. I was excited about him being excited.

“Yeah. Yeah. I will. I’ll make a quilt.”

My momentum of commitment halted upon passing through the pinnacle of realization–Did I just commit to sewing a quilt?!–but I quickly regained my composure, and chugged on, accumulating speed as I went. I gesticulated nobly and with increased enthusiasm fueled by his leaning forward, his arousing (aroused) darting for my hands, I nodded once more.

“Okay. It’s settled then. I’ll make a quilt.”

Reason Number Two: (or) It’s a Grand Day for a Matrilineal Parade

I imagined that where there art quilters, there shalt be quilt circles–small communities where quilters go to feel safe, supported, inspired, validated. Needing to experience all of these things, I visited my grandmother, a quilting queen, an Amazon Applique Artist. That woman has birthed a legacy of quilts; a quilt for every one of her six daughters, six son-in-laws, one son, twenty-three grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren–with quilts to spare.

I went to my grandmother with romantic illusions: There would be quilting of course, but interspersed would be roaring, wood stove fires, yards of gorgeous fabric, golden thimbles, a treadle machine, and a butter churn for good measure. What I found instead, was not only disheartening but somewhat tragic, in a coming-of-age way sort of way. Sure, there was fabric in abundance. Quilts in their various stages lay everywhere–the embryonic quilt partially cut from folds of material, the fetus quilt, cut, pinned, and undergoing the assembly process, and the newborn quilts, the little darlings, tossed over chairs, hung from walls, draped over couches, and folded on tables.

What executed my Quilt Fairy was not this excess of prenatal bedding, but rather what rattled and hummed in its midst. What I found in place of my Normal Rockwell reverie was something more befitting The Jetsons. Three mighty machines, the latest in sewing technology, hummed merrily and somewhat menacingly along, chewing fabric, while three chatty ladies (my grandmother included) looked casually on.

“See, it’s so easy. I can make a ham and cheese sandwich and quilt at the same time!” My Aunt Debbie grinned.

My Aunt Debbie is a husky x-college rugby player turned soccer mom. She tackles her “craft time” as I would imagine she tackled the girthy defensive line women who opposed her.

“But how do they work?” I asked, smiling through my horror, as my Utopian Quilt Land, bedecked with synchronized rocking chairs and tales-of-old, dismantled into a blitzy, industrial nightmare.

“It’s easy. You’ve got this disk and it does the work for you.”

“Wow,” I said.

Ginny, the third member of my grandmother’s quilt circle said very little. She was too busy with her sewing machine’s computer screen. She pinched her lips and pressed a button, summoning the creation of at least fifty embroidered doilies.

Her machine hummed; as did my grandmother.

“Isn’t technology great?” She smiled dreamily, and I nodded, despite my romantic misconceptions, my bohemian elitism.

I wanted to ask about the journey, the process. I glanced at Ginny’s growing mountain of doilies: product, product, product.

“Technology’s completely revolutionized applique,” Aunt Debbie said, as if to impress me.

“Like airplanes revolutionized travel,” my grandmother added.

“Like jets revolutionized travel,” Aunt Debbie corrected.

“All we need now is a time machine,” I said, but just as I said it, the machine nearest me started to beep, so I guess that was that.

Reason Number Three: (or) Quilting and the Art of Patience

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a patient person. I am holistically subservient to the immediately gratifying act–but no one likes to be subservient.

“Quilting will teach you patience,” my mother promised me over the phone.

Very well, I thought. I envisioned myself completing my project, with not only a quilt, but a saint-like patience. My writing would improve because I would not rush to the end. My cooking would improve because I would cease watching the pot. I could trade in my acrylic paints for oil-based. My relationships would improve because I would no longer expect perfection–at least not immediately.

Goodbye self-help. Hello art-of-quilting. I informed my grandmother that I preferred to make my quilt by hand.

“Wow,” she said.

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” I said.

Reason Number Four: (or) O the Glory of Accomplishment!

So I did it. I made the damned thing. All by hand.

I found a cute fabric website and ordered a grab bag of material scraps for twenty dollars a piece. I ordered two bags just to be safe.

When the fabric arrived, I bypassed any quilting manuals (PreQuilt-Me naïvely existed under the smug illusion that how-to’s are for chumps). I fingered through the delightful, though random, scraps of material and tried to systematically map out the proceeding and necessary steps that would best lead me to my ultimate and glorious goal: the finished quilt.

I decided on four by four inch squares. This size square was small enough to not reflect laziness on my part, impressing both my love interest and my grandmother, but it was not small enough to destroy me with its tedium.

Cheerfully, I found myself a ruler and a pair of scissors. I cut out my first square. Red cowgirls rode red bulls on the fabric. I assessed my work. My cutting skills were at best, mediocre. The lines were a little crooked, and–oh no–I realized with some dismay, I had forgone a seam. I had a lot to learn.

In the end, my pile of scraps (Er, mess ups) was larger than my pile of keepers, and when I preformed an inventory of usable versus unusable patches, I found my color and thematic options to be startlingly limited. If I were to do a fourteen by twenty square patchwork quilt, I would have (Some long hand multiplication later) sixteen squares to spare.

I laid out a variety of different square arrangements onto my bedroom floor. I opted for a “pattern” with a four by four center–but after that, the quilt entropied into sheer chaos. I was okay with chaos.

Next, I made piles out of the decided rows and safety-pinned paper indicators on the top squares of each row, so that I could distinguish one from the other. Then, I put on some classical music (Beethoven and friends felt appropriate regarding the context of my activity) and I stitched one square to the other.

Backwards. I sewed my squares backwards. Cursing over Carmina Burana (which also seemed appropriate), I seam-ripped with my new seam-ripper the recalcitrant and guilty seam and started again. This time, my tiny and painstaking stitches were not in vein. I folded my squares open: Viola! There they were: Two squares sewn snugly together. That wasn’t so bad, I thought, reaching for the next square and then looking beyond that square to the piles on piles of squares remaining, anxious for their turn to pass underneath my already bleeding finger tips. Oh my, I thought.

But I persevered. I sewed. Every. Damn. Day. I. Sewed. I woke up and I sewed. I went to work, and I sewed. I ate dinner (if I ate dinner), and I sewed. I lost weight. I lost hair. I lost friends. I avoided my phone. My friends left concerned massages. When people at work asked me about the quilt, they seemed nervous. My love-interest suggested maybe I take a break and go for a walk. But still, I sewed.

I finished the quilt in one month’s time. I ordered brown backing and wasted no time with fancy insulation. I sowed a blanket inside the quilt, instead.

At this point in my “Quilt Journey” the idea of the Tac as opposed to applique delighted me. “I prefer the way it looks,” I would later lie to all of my kind quilt admirers. “The yarn gives it that home-made look.”

Not that the quilt needed the yarn to achieve this effect. My squares were uneven and crooked. The backing was too short in one corner, and I had to patch it with a left over neon green scrap. The inside blanket bunched too close to the left seam.

And yet. And yet, the quilt was mine and I had done it. I laid the thing out on my bed and took pictures. My grandmother wrote me a tear-stained letter of congratulations. I invited my love-interest over and he clapped his hands together. He said the quilt was beautiful. My quilt. He kissed me and I purred.

“Do you really like it?” I asked him.

He nodded. And with great impatience, I mounted him atop my freshly quilted bed.

Elisha Webster Emerson lives on the outer banks of North Carolina where she makes vegan cupcakes and fixes broken bikes.

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“It doesn’t have to be a lot – half an hour in the bath is often enough – but it does have to be time that is solely for you.”

But how do you find Alone Time when you and your spouse both work from home? That has been one of my personal challenges since January when Fuzzy (my husband) moved his primary place of work from a cushy office in the Dallas Infomart to one of the four bedrooms upstairs in our home.

It’s true that said bedroom has always been designated as his space. I refer to it as is above-ground man-cave, because he keeps the lights low in order to help regulate the temperature. Walking in there makes you feel like you’ve dropped in on Bruce Wayne, and not just because of the dim lighting. Computer monitors line the room, and technical manuals, some for work, and some for role-playing games he does not actually play, infest every surface. In truth, I think they’re breeding, because they’re taking over our library as well. (By library I mean the third of the four bedrooms upstairs, which currently houses a vast quantity of books, all in shopping bags or storage boxes. Someday, we’ll get around to lining it with shelves.)

It’s also true that I have an upstairs room of my own (our own bedroom is on the ground floor, and the fourth upstairs bedroom is the guest room), with dragon fly lights, inspiration boards, and a comfy couch with a great reading lamp. I call it the Word Lounge, because I’m trying to eliminate the word “office” and it’s corporate connotations from my personal vocabulary.

You would think that two adults would find ample alone time in a 2500 square foot home, especially since they each have their own workspace. You would think that when I choose to work in bed so I can monitor our four-month-old puppy (we’re crate training), I wouldn’t feel like I was being stifled, or that my husband was too close.

Nevertheless, when he had to spend a few days in Denver for work recently, I came close to rejoicing. Oh, I love him terribly. He still flirts with me, and we’re still as prone to PDAs as newlyweds, even after fourteen years. Even so, I like those times when I can have my house ALL to myself (canine companions don’t count).

In an effort to find some alone time that isn’t merely “behind a closed door” time, but truly being entirely alone, I’ve started “forgetting” things at the grocery store, and sending Fuzzy out to get them. I’ve also tried to get him to set up man-dates with friends, even if it’s just meeting another work-at-home colleague for lunch once a week. Unfortunately, these appointments wind up being endless calls where both men talk about meeting for lunch but never set up an actual day or time, and once they do, they leave it conditional. “Call me to confirm before you leave,” I’ll hear Fuzzy say into the phone. I wish someone would explain to my why men do this – I know it’s not just Fuzzy. Is it latent fear of commitment? I mean, it’s only LUNCH.

Despite this challenge, I have managed to insert some important rituals into my own schedule. One of my favorites is to soak in a bubble bath and listen to NPR on Saturday evenings. Sometimes I take a book in with me, sometimes I don’t, but for half an hour or longer, I have an oasis in the middle of suburbia, and I can lean back, and think happy, scented thoughts.

I don’t like being lonely. Sometimes, though, it’s important to be alone.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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Please tell us about yourself and what inspired you to start Applause Theatrical Workshop.
From a very young age, my parents nurtured within me a love for theatre. I attended the Yale Shakespeare program at Oxford University and Carnegie Mellon’s musical theater program before receiving my B.F.A in Drama from Tulane University. I then went on to receive my Masters Degree in Education from NYU.

I had a performance career where I starred in many stage productions as well as appearing on commercials and playing a recurring role on ABC’s All My Children.
Wanting to focus on teaching for a while, I went on to become a teacher for nine years in New York City, eight of which were spent at P.S. 6, and one year spent teaching acting at the Upper Lab High School. I am proud to say that I was a model teacher for New York City and trained numerous teachers. My classroom was a visiting site for principals and teachers from both private and public schools all over the United States, as well as Columbia University Teachers College reading and writing workshops.

In 1995, I found a way to merge my passions for both education and theater by founding Applause Theatrical Workshops. I’ve directed over twenty-five productions at Applause while also coaching many children privately for performing arts schools, colleges, and professional auditions.

My greatest credit is my son, Tyler. In 2000, the year he was born, I (along with co-founder Pamela Fisher) created Broadway Babies, hoping to spread the magic of Broadway to children of all ages. I’m grateful to be able to spend my days sharing my life-long love of theater with children and teenagers everywhere.

“Whether it is a 2 year old who just followed all the dance moves to a dance we taught them, or the 18 year old who was just chosen by an agent who saw them in one of the shows, all of these moments are equally rewarding.”

What’s the most rewarding part about working with children?
It’s when you see a child accomplish something that even they didn’t think they could accomplish. Whether it is a 2 year old who just followed all the dance moves to a dance we taught them, or the 18 year old who was just chosen by an agent who saw them in one of the shows, all of these moments are equally rewarding.

The other most rewarding aspect of working with children is when our students feel like our place (Applause New York) is home to them. They feel that they can be themselves without peer pressure or anything else. We accept everyone for who they are and that helps foster loving friendships between people who might never have been friends in the first place. I have so many students write me personal notes letting me know that our organization has changed their lives. I feel this might be the most rewarding part of it all.

What’s the most challenging part about working with children?
The most challenging part is making all of them happy.

What’s your favorite Broadway show and why?
That is the hardest question in the world for me. It’s like asking me which is my favorite child. Different shows affected me at different times in my life:

• Age 10: Annie was the first Broadway show I saw, and it literally changed my whole world. I was ten when I saw it and to realize that there were other children on the stage like I dreamed of, was truly life altering. I sang every song on the album every day for two years straight.
• Age 15: My favorite play on Broadway was The Real Thing. At that time my parents were getting divorced and it is the play that spoke to me. I felt understood and I saw a couple breaking up on stage and that helped me to understand adult issues. It gave me a sense of reality for me and realizing I wasn’t alone.
• Adult Life: My favorite Broadway musical in the course of my adult life is Rent. I like shows that are cutting edge and speak about issues that are more difficult to tackle. I have to be able to sing the songs all the time and feel completely that my whole body reacts every time I hear the music. That is what Rent does for me.

If you were a Broadway show, which one would you be and why?
If I were a Broadway show I would be The Sound of Music. I’m an extremely independent woman. I am a person who loves children. I don’t mind having to win people over, so I love challenges. I can make up a song about anything, teach children to sing, and I love a happy ending.

“Theatre should be for the people. It always has been from the earliest ages of history.”

Have you seen Mike Daisey’s monologue How Theatre Failed America? If so, what did you think? Whether you’ve seen it or not, what are your thoughts on how to remedy theatre’s shrinking audiences?
I have not seen this monologue but I have strong feelings about how theatre has failed America. Theatre is starting to vanish with sixteen shows closing in the past few months. The tickets are simply too expensive. It actually pushes people away.

Theatre should be for the people. It always has been from the earliest ages of history. The live experience is extremely important and the producers of today have fed into raising the prices. In fact, “Premium Seating”, in my opinion, has really ruined the experience for the average person. This means you cannot get tickets in the first ten rows unless you pay a premium price. This price can be up to $400 a seat. Who can really afford that? It’s not always fun to be in the last row of the third tier. Theater is up close and personal.

I also think that by using only movie stars to come back to play the leads in musicals or plays has really exposed the public to that way of thinking. By doing this, now the public doesn’t always go unless there is a star performing in the show. This also raises the prices for the producers.

When the producers only produce shows that they know will be a hit, their choices get less and less risky. This is why we always end up with all revivals on Broadway. It really discourages new playwrights and composers.

This is why I opened Broadway Babies. I felt if I could introduce shows to parents and babies from a very young age, I could help in the development of a child’s love of Broadway. My thinking process is that if you grow up loving something it becomes part of who you are. Perhaps later on in life, these babies will be the people who donate money to the arts, go see the shows and, perhaps produce shows for the love of it not just to make the hugest profit. I also love exposing parents to the Broadway shows to inspire them to support Broadway. If they like a song or two that they hear in class, perhaps they will go buy the CD, or the DVD or go buy a theatre ticket.

What do you enjoy most about theatre?
The live performance experience. There is an incredible energy created between the audience and the performers that electrify the whole atmosphere. There is true connection, that can’t happen through film or TV.

What do you think is the greatest challenge for women in business today?
There is still some inequality out in the business world. I still receive some phone calls from men who think that I will back down if they get tough with me. These particular types need to understand that women in business and women running businesses are here to stay.

What are some of your tips for having good work/life balance?
This truly is one of the hardest personal issues that women in business have. The tips that I can pass on are:

1. Give your full attention to your child when you are together. Don’t answer your phones, don’t check your emails, and don’t make phone calls. Have a time that is yours with your child. If you give your child that, then your time will be very rich and your child will not resent your work.
2. Talk to your child about what you do. Teach them something about it. Let your child come to your office and do something that will help you and be fun for them. Then you will get them involved.
3. Make an effort on the weekend to get involved in an activity that your child might be a part of. Manage the baseball team. Help out the director if your child is in theater, etc. This gives your child the feeling that you are really interested in them and it builds connection between the both of you.
4. Plan a weekend vacation for two weekends throughout the year, for just you and your significant other. Alone time is the only way to keep a relationship refreshed.
5. Don’t put your computer in your bedroom.
6. Do your very best to find a half hour or an hour to yourself. A bath, time to read a book, watch TV. Do not work on your computer.
7. Go out one night a week. See friends (a girl’s night, go out dancing, do dinner, see a movie, anything!) But get out just one night no matter when it is.

Who are your role models and why?
My role models are my parents who have been my mentors, my inspiration and my support. The thing I loved most about my parents growing up was that they were very open with me. They included me in all conversations and they taught me to really listen. Everything that I learned about business and life was through observing and listening to what people had to say.

My parents both openly discussed business with me at the dinner table every night when I was growing up. They even asked my opinion about certain things. My father started the Gloria Vanderbilt Company and my mother started out with Barbara Corcoran when she began her real estate company. They taught me about how to handle problems that come up in business and most importantly they instilled in me the value of hard work. From them I learned that you need to know your own business inside and out so that no matter what happens, I could always run things by myself if necessary.

“What motivates me most is making children happy. No matter which class I stroll into on any given day or hour, it’s the smiling faces that make everything feel worthwhile.”

What motivates you?
What motivates me most is making children happy. No matter which class I stroll into on any given day or hour, it’s the smiling faces that make everything feel worthwhile.

Coffee or tea?
I love to start the day with an ice coffee, even in the winter.

Cat person or dog person?
I am a dog person. I’ve had dogs my whole life. My dog is named Cappuccino and she is fifteen years old.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
The best advice I have ever received was from my mother. She told me an old proverb: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.” I think this proverb always helped me to take risks, because nothing was ever too daunting by just taking one step at a time.

What’s next for Applause New York? What’s next for you?
The next thing for Applause New York is expansion. I would love to bring this out to children and teens everywhere.

It’s too wonderful to just keep it to ourselves; we want to spread the joy of music and theater all around the world.

The other next thing for me is Rock ‘n’ Roll Babies. We opened our first classes this semester and they are all sold out. Now I’m in the process of creating the curriculum for the next few years. I love to create!

You can find out more about Ms. Kaplan’s endeavors by visiting the website for Applause Theatrical Workshops..

Elia Sheldon is a working mother of two daughters who lives in Chatham, NJ and manages large scale programs for a Fortune 50 company. She enjoys time with her family, working on her novel, and attending hot yoga classes. Her column focuses on providing ideas, thoughts, and advice to help demystify the corporate jungle and achieve better work life balance. Need advice? Send questions to: elia@eliasheldon.com.

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Tell our readers a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? Did you plan to be an actor? Was it something you always wanted?
First of all, I’m born in London. My parents are from Grenada. (Well, my mother’s from Trinidad and my Dad’s from Grenada.) Which is why I’m here. To find my Dad’s side – I know Trinidad well.

I from a very early age wanted to be an actor, although I didn’t call it that when it first happened. It was after the film In the Heat of the Night - Sidney Poitier. I was nine years old. It struck a very deep chord in me. I knew I wanted to do something like that. Be him, probably. But – ah – it resonated, and you know, I asked mother at the time. She didn’t know how to go about it. She, in actual fact, tried lots of different avenues. Good mum she was, but she couldn’t make it come about.

I was a dancer for a bit, which was the first thing, and you know, by the time I came conscious I wasn’t really thinking about it.

And then…and then…when the dancing thing went away through an accident with my leg, I was - The Stage, which is a newspaper for actors, in London – it’s like Variety here – was put in front of me by Christine, and Christine said, “Stop being depressed about your leg not working. Go out there. You can do this.” And I was being a barman at the time. And I started chase – well, that’s when I really started chasing it.

And Christine is… ?
Christine…Oh! Christine is the person I was seeing at the time I was a young person. So, but, I will always remember her for doing that. She’s - she holds that place in my heart. Sort of pulling my hand up and saying, “Come on! Get up!”

That’s wonderful. And so, you were a barman?
So I was a barman, and than I started chasing it. Yeah. And eventually it took over. This acting thing. It wasn’t - there was no room for anything else. There never is. It’s all-consuming.

Something is all-consuming when it’s something you’re passionate about, isn’t it?
Oh, yeah. Well, I, yes, you know, I can – I can become obsessive about most things. Now, the way I work, I do my research, because I have to change myself so completely for some of the parts I play, my obsessive nature is now an asset. It helps now.

I believe you originally started in the theatre?
Yes. At the Albany Empire, in London. They were the first people to give me a job.

How was the transition going from stage to small and big screen? And which do you prefer?
There is no preference. It’s like: if someone said to you, “Would you like to be in a car, or a helicopter, or in a plane?” You wouldn’t turn around and say, “I have a preference.” You would say, “I like them all for different reasons.”

So that’s kind of what it’s like for stage, TV and film. The techniques are very different for them all, but the truth in the heart is the same. But the demands are different, and so trying to master any one of them can take you a lifetime. So…I don’t really have a preference.

The difference between going between them initially, I would say for every actor, is frightening. When you go from acting on stage, which is, primarily the best way to describe it is, everything’s quite big. Your movements, your voice – everything is huge. And then, you know, to television, you have to have the same emotion, but you can’t do that kind of big gestures. As they say, in England – they used to say, “You have to reach the gods.” The people and the gods have to see and understand and know every single movement and what it means, but the people in the front can’t be bowled over by it. So it’s a difficult thing to balance.

When you move into TV, it’s an unblinking eye. The TV can have multi-cameras, all going at the same time, and they can all be unblinking. In the movie it’s just one camera, many, many, many set-ups. I mean, I love it – now – but at the time, I remember, when I was making the transition between them I was quite frightened I wasn’t prepared to do it. Does that make sense?

That makes perfect sense. Now…I know you said you were born in London. Where do you make your home now?
My home is London. Where I work most of the time, is in America.

I understand that. If you know the United States very well – I have always lived in Texas but, I worked in D.C. all last year. You know, just came home every two or three weeks.
I came home for a week – I’ve been home for a week in the last four months. So, you know, that’s - but I got home.

You had a large body of work under your belt before you did the show OZ. What are your favorite things you did prior to that?
Oh, prior to that. I’ve been really, really lucky. I’ve had some really wonderful experiences, and some really good people in my life. And some of them are still there, because of the experiences of a play or a TV show. The one that comes immediately to mind is Pecong.

Pecong was basically a West Indian version of Medea, and I think it was my first time where I understood – or felt – the airwaves move in the room. That’s the best way to describe it. The audience and the actors were one. And all of those actors, still, we’re in deep contact with each other. The girl who played my sister in it, I still call my sister, and we’ve been doing it so long now everybody just goes, “oh I’m the other brother or sister,” but it actually started during the play. So there’s times like that.

I’ve done a lot of work, as you say, and had some good experiences, but OZ was the first time where – after that – where the same thing happened. Everybody in OZ still talks. We are a family. Still. Constantly contacting one another about our careers and so forth – calling to talk through technical problems, like how to get through a scene. So we’re all still going.

OZ was an ensemble piece, and I know that some of the actors I’ve talked to have different perspectives about working on HBO series, which seem to be more aggressive, and giving the writers and producers more latitude. Is that how you felt about OZ?
I would say, especially at the time, HBO had a lot of courage, and was in the area of creating something new. You know, “it’s not TV; it’s HBO,” because it was different, and nothing like it at the time, and I’m always saying, you know, about those days, and to Tom Fontana. It wasn’t just ground-breaking. We changed American television, and what was acceptable on it. It was because, with HBO, the rules didn’t apply. They normally apply to network, but cable didn’t have any rules at the time, so it was all as a new frontier. It was all being done there and then.

I wouldn’t necessarily term it as aggressive – or that it was more aggressive than some of the stuff that was on network, it’s just that they would have to cut certain things early on, or soft-soap it, or… but the intention that all of those writers and actors and directors were trying to get to was the same place where we were going, it’s just that they weren’t allowed to, because of the rules and the regulations that were there.
So…HBO not having any of those rules and regulations we could be and do more truthful, believable – dig deeper, go to the taboo subjects, talk about things that people didn’t like to talk about, or were scared to talk about. And we handled and tackled all of that and, because the writing was so excellent, Tom Fontana didn’t deliver any messages that he thought you should be thinking.

What he did, is he raised questions about who we are as human beings, under the umbrella of a prison, so you could turn around and say, “That’s not me,” but in actual fact it was you he was talking about, because everything that happened out there in that prison happens on the outside of that prison. You have to remember that those people end up in prison from - they’re outside first. That’s us. But when you stick them in that environment, it’s easy to turn around and go, “They’re animals, they’re criminals, they’re murderers, they’re, they’re, they’re, they’re, they’re…” And put it away from yourself and stop looking at you, and what he did, with that wonderful piece of writing and those actors is he said, “Please trust me, and let’s go on an exploration and a journey.” And, um, and we did, all together, which is why that link is there, and he asked us to delve deep within ourselves to pull that stuff out.

So, I wouldn’t turn around and say it was more aggressive or more this, I would say it was more truthful.

At that moment, did you all realize you were getting into something that was that ground-breaking?
Ah – In the very first year – no. In the very first year we were excited by the feeling that was being created, and to give you an example, this doesn’t happen very often, is when somebody was doing a scene, especially a difficult scene - and you know OZ, there were many – one of the things that would happen is the other actors who weren’t in the scene, but because we were a collective and it’s prison so we were all quite present, you know, we would have to be in the back of a scene or be ready to go into the back of the next scene, or whatever, depending upon the angle, but because we knew it was a difficult scene we would all come out, gather around the monitor and be available for said actor (or actors) to get through those moments. And it was like an unseen – it was like a comforting hand on the base of your spine - just there to go, “It’s okay, and if it don’t work, we’ll go again. And it’s all good and if you want to talk about it, I’m here or so-and-so’s there, or if you don’t want to talk about it – if you want to go off in the corner and get there, or if you, you know, you want to tell jokes, or…” It was just so supportive, because what was being demanded of you was so – sometimes – so difficult. And everybody would be there for every scene, watching.

Now most of the time, people go and do their scenes, people wander around, and come and do their moment, and I’ll come and do mine, and it was very different on the set of OZ. Everybody was there, and so what that meant was that there was this trust that could – you could turn around and go, “I don’t know if I felt that,” and it wasn’t just the director, because the directors would come in week in, week out, and they would change, so the consistency was with the other actors, and sometimes with a look you could go, “Yay? Nay?” and they could go, “Try again, and fine-tune it.”

And that has to be why you’re all still so close?
Yeah, ‘cause we were in – we were in jail together. We were all naked together too. You know, there were some scenes where it was “Okay, run around naked.” And you’d hear, “I’m uncomfortable!” “So am I!”

Do you get over that discomfort when you’re working with the same group for so long, or are there still moments when you gasp and go, “I’ve got to take off my clothes again.”
It’s like – you know, if you go to the gym and you’re in the female showers – half the time you’re not thinking about it. But then on occasion you’ll go “Ahh! I’m naked.” The very first time? SCARY!!!!! Very, very scary. But then after a while you’re reading the script and you go, “Oh, I’m being thrown in the Hole. Great. That means I’m naked.” So you just wrap your head around it and you move on, and because the scene was never about you being naked - you know, you would come from some hellish situation – probably beatings someone’s living daylights or all kinds of colors coming up ‘cause someone hit off you and you were bloodied, or there’s something dripping off you – if you delved into the scenario deep enough, you being naked was not on your mind.

You’ve been doing a lot of film work, including some martial arts films, like Blood and Bones and the independent film The Messenger. Tell me a little about those?
Well, Blood and Bones - I’ve done a couple of films for my son, who would turn around and say, “Dad, all the stuff you do, I never get to see,” - because I wouldn’t let him watch OZ for years, and all of his school friends would say, “Oh, it’s great and it’s this,” he was sitting in the house with the DVDs and he wasn’t allowed to watch them.
So he said, “You never do films I can watch.” So the first film I did for him was a film called Duma, and at the time he was twelve., and it was about a boy and a cheetah – a good family movie, but adults can enjoy it, too. And the other one, because I know he loves all the martial arts, was this one, the most recent one, because he likes all that fighting and stuff. We play games together – I’m a gamer with my son.

So Michael Jai White, came along, and Ben Ramsey, and they had this film, and I said, “Oh, I want to do one. I want my son to watch it.” So I picked up this Samurai sword, in this film, and Michael taught me much and there were some guys he was training with who were absolutely amazing with me and got me to a state where I could maybe look like I knew what I was doing. But I’m really excited to see it. It comes out soon.

The Messenger - I had an amazing time with Ben Foster. Oren Moverman put this thing together and in the same way that we used to work on OZ he opened up the floor for discovery and experimentation with the script as the framework and some amazing stuff came out of that, so I haven’t seen the film yet, but I do know, because of the subject matter it will break hearts. I know Sundance were raving about it, all any of us kept on hearing was, “Oh my God, it’s this amazing film.”

And I was like, “Well, we had an amazing time making it.” Because, for me, I call it flying. My friend Laurence Fishburn calls it, “This is how we swing.” There is nothing better, now, and I guess that’s what I’m always trying to reach – is when you and a fellow artist join in that special space of creativity, and you both know it, and you jump off the edge of the precipice into this…area…together, and you don’t know where you’re gonna land. You’ve got the script as the framework, and you just - it’s not about the lines; it’s not about hitting positions. It’s about capturing something in the air and therefore if you capture it right, you know everybody who’s watching it – crew included – will be moved.

When I was on stage with Zoe Tapper, playing Othello and she was Desdemona, the break-up scene just before the death scene was like that almost every night. You can only aim at it, and sometimes you jump and nothing happens and sometimes you jump and magic happens, but there’s no better thing in the world than to try and capture that magic.

Now, you did Cadillac Records, where you got to sing. Is singing something that you’d done before, or did you have to do some special preparation for that role?
Darnell Martin called me up and - I was in London, one of those few times – and she was the first director on OZ, funny enough. She’d done the pilot and the first couple of episodes, so we knew each other from then, but we hadn’t worked with each other since. But this call came in and she was like, “I’m doing this film. How would you like to play Howlin’ Wolf?”

And I was like, “Who is he?” I had no clue who he was. She told me “I’ve written this film, got the director,” and I was like, “Okay…”

Then I said, “Who else is in it?” And she said, “Jeffrey Wright,” and I went “Wow.” Adrien Brody – wow. Beyonce’ – I went “Stop! Where do I sign up?”

So the first thing I did, in London, is I found this jazz singer called Cecelia Starling, ‘cause I realized when I started to do the quick research, which was almost immediately from putting the phone down from Darnell, I went to YouTube and found Howlin’ Wolf, aka Chester Burnette, and found this man with this voice and went, “Oh my God.” He’s from Mississippi. He sounds like he swallowed something terrible. I had to go straight to work, and I didn’t want to lose my voice, because I’ve lost my voice a few times on stage, and there’s nothing like it. So I found this jazz singer to help me – one, sing, and two, keep my voice.

To get his voice, so I could do it take after take after take, and not lose my voice, and also sort of sing like him, but the one thing Darnell said was, “I don’t want you to imitate. We’re trying to capture the essence of the soul of people, but you make him your interpretation, based on the thing you do,” which is a lot of research, and so…oh, to answer your question…

No, that’s great! So, you’ve got an upcoming new series, that’s going to be on NBC in the US, and you’re playing Prophet Samuel in the TV show Kings. Is that a series, or is it a mini-series?
It’s a series. We’ve literally, we finished – wrapped – last week, Friday, and everybody said goodbye. We’ve just done thirteen episodes, very very hard work. Yes, I play prophet Samuel – Reverend Samuel we call him in the show.

Ian McShane is going to be brilliant. You’re going to find a new guy called Christopher Egan - and Sebastian [Stan] – the cast is excellent. The really pulled together a lot of excellent people, and great writers, too, to mold this into something I think people will be fascinated by. It’s going to raise many, many questions.

It starts (started) on the 15th of March, and it’s called Kings, and it’s - in short, if you know your Bible, you’ll love it, but if you don’t know your Bible, it doesn’t matter. But it’s the old testament, and it’s based on Samuels I and II and those people, and the David and Goliath story. It’s the same David that did David and Goliath and then became King David and then wrote psalms.

That’s history – you don’t see any of that. I’m just giving you my – this is my homework.

A lot of actors are very well-read, both for research purposes, and because they do a lot of reading in their off-time as well. What do you do in your off-time? Do you read, play games? Sports?

I do all of the above. I believe if you’re an actor, you’re constantly reading. Between the research – between the scripts – some writer has sat down, done a load of research, come up with a script, and if you’re gonna work on it in any shape or form, unless you’re talking about the auditions (although sometimes it’s helpful for that, and I have done an awful lot of work for an audition at times), you’re always reading. Somebody’s autobiography if it’s someone like Howlin’ Wolf – Chester Burnett – I’m never not reading.

I do like to play games with my son. When I get home, it’s what I have as a kind of routine, a little ritual thing that I do. It’s my way of connecting with him. I go home, and one of the first things I do is I’ll sit on his bed and watch him play a game and let him explain to me what the latest games are. And meanwhile, while he plays, I stare at him and see how much he’s grown [he’s now seventeen] and what’s different, and while I’m doing that, I’m catching up, because, like, four months is a long time and I’m home for a week, so there’ll be quite a few changes, and that’s my time to take it on board, and at some point he’s gonna feel me looking in the back and boring my eyes in the back of his head and he’ll give me a controller. And I’ll be like, “Okay.” And then we play together.

So that’s my gaming extent now, so why and how, and, I mean, I’ve always played, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t play often when I’m not home. I haven’t got the time.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to pursue – if not acting – than another creative field, as a way to live their life and make a living? What would you tell your son?
Well my oldest son is going to do something creative. He’s going to sing. He’s an amazing – he’s got an amazing voice, and what I’m always telling to him is: There will be moments when you have to question one, how good you are, two whether you should be doing it or not, three, whether you can earn a living at it.

So the question that every actor out there has to ask themselves is the same one I ask of my son: Why are you doing it? If you think you’re doing it just for the fame, then that will show up at some point. If you think you’re doing it just for the money, then that will show up at some point. If you’re fortunate enough to be, like so many people I know, where you’ll do it anyway – most actors I know (don’t tell anybody – I know you’re a journalist, but) most actors would do it for free, because they help themselves, because the creative process – that magic that I tried to describe earlier on - is…It’s a drug.

So, you’re always trying to attain the best way of how to do something or how to get somewhere, and those are the unfortunate ones, because then it doesn’t matter. You know, you’re just going to do it anyway. So you have to ask yourself, because it’s going to be very hard on you to be creative and earn a living, because you have to live. So that balance has got to be struck.

Marlena Affleck, and Celine and I, we did a master class the other day at NYU and we were talking to young students, and telling them exactly that. It is a very jealous god. It doesn’t like you to do anything else, and it doesn’t always pay you. And it doesn’t always give you what you think you’re gonna get from it. But the rewards of it – most of them I could never – you wouldn’t be able to ask the right questions for me to go, “Oh, that’s one of them – and that’s one of the rewards,” because we don’t have the time. But I would turn around and say anybody that really has passion for it – you go for it. If you’re faltering, if you’re going to do it for shallow reasons – they’ll be showing up at some point.

What’s next for you? Where can we look for you? Is there anything you’d like to add?
Well, because we’ve literally just finished Kings, and because, you know one of the things I do as an actor is I’m always trying to push myself, because acting’s very cathartic – know thyself, you know? And then you can put stuff out, which is one of the reasons why I’m in Grenada - which is my time, before I go home and I’m Dad, or I have to read another script, or whatever – I’m only here four days., so it’s not long.

But I’m discovering me, and I’m discovering a whole new side of me and my birthright, the birth of my people are here, and, you know, if I’m honest with you, and I’ve been very honest with you a good time, my whole body is tingling with the anticipation of meeting members of my family I’ve never met before.

So, that’s where I’m at right now, not on what script I’m gonna be in next, because we’ve just finished.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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If I were a psychologist, I think it would be fascinating to study what makes some people more resilient than others. I’m sure there are factors relating back to childhood. I would hypothesize that the more nurturing your upbringing was, the more resilient you are. In my own case, I was fortunate enough to have one individual, my paternal grandmother, who loved me unconditionally. Perhaps, I am so resilient because of the way she loved me. Unfortunately, I don’t have the means to research my hypothesis. So we will just have to go with what you can do to fortify your own resiliency factor.

The website where I found a great deal of information on resiliency is – lessons4living: (www.lessons4living.com/resiliency.htm). I won’t list verbatim what I read, but extend this site to you as a resource to enhance your own reserves. The topics covered there are: Assessing and Developing Your Resiliency resources, Practicing Resiliency, Spontaneity, Money and others, The Box of Life, and Resiliency and the Cycle of Change. For example, I found the Box of Life section a great way to look at or frame the events in my life. Instead of just focusing on one section of your life, the box of life exercise teaches you to be aware of all the other things happening in your life, thereby allowing you to see that there are other things to focus on.

Given our current economic uncertainty, resiliency is something to help you muddle through. Many, many of us are struggling financially. Hopefully, something here will resonate with you or help you to fortify yourself to get through tough times ahead, in whatever arena they might be.

Frances Stuart, a fourteen year educator, currently works as a high school counselor in Chino Hills, CA. Her raison d’etre are her two children. A voracious reader, she is currently writing her first novel as well. A native Californian, her favorite spots are the beach or Palm Springs. It’s all about the sun! She is a Contributing Editor at All Things Girl

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He gave the bike for me to keep. I rode that bike everywhere. I rode it to Paris, France. I rode it to Amsterdam. She took me to Belgium and all points in between home and the Netherlands. I loved that bike. In June of ’72 I flew from West Germany to Florida and my new husband. My bike took the slower route of a ship from W. Germany to Port Everglades. I loved my bike, more than my husband and we split up after six unhappy years.

When I left South Florida for Central Florida, aside from the clothes, the only other thing I took was my bike. He got the house, the cars, everything we purchased as a couple now belonged to him. I had my bike, and that made me happy.

In 1978, I began working for Harley Davidson of Melbourne. There I met my next husband, and I also got my hands on my next three bikes.

* 1971 Pan-Shovel. Started out as a rolling frame with a basket engine. My husband instructed me in the building of this bike. She was kick only, and once she was completed, he told me if I could kick her, I could ride her. I kicked her for six hours before he felt sorry for me and showed me her secret. Once I knew that, I could kick her with a primer kick, then the starting kick. She was a good motorcycle, but she ended up in the canal next to the roadside after a stupid accident.
* 1959 Ridged Frame Panhead. This bike also came as a rolling chassis. The engine was apart in a basket as well. This bike was a project bike for my new husband and me…we worked on it together, and of course, if I could kick it, it was mine. Not a problem this time…I understood the workings of a V-Twin Engine and it’s transmission by this time…I could kick her over in two kicks as well.
* Then in Oct of ’78, HD came out with their FLH 80CI Special Edition bike. It was 1978 ½ model, and the first of the factory 80’s. I bought mine for 5K.

By the end of 1978, I owned four bikes. My Bonne, the Pan-Shovel, the 59 Pan, and my brand new 78 FLH. I was motorcycle rich and money poor. Still, I couldn’t think of a better lifestyle than what I was living. It was nothing short of exciting everyday. Living and working in the motorcycling world, what more could a girl ask for?

By 1980, I had sold all my bikes except the 80CI FLH. I divorced my husband, and started traveling around the nation on my bike. I had made my way around the outside perimeter of the United States, doing what is called a four corner tour. I left Melbourne FL, rode out to San Diego CA. rode up to Fargo ND. I rode across to New Jersey, then south and back home to Melbourne Florida. It took me almost a year to do, but I rode it alone and worked odd jobs to support myself and my bike while out on the road. I still loved my lifestyle and simply couldn’t see myself living a 9 to 5 life.

Over the course of 22 years of ownership, my FLH had taken me cross country and back four times. She had taken me in 1994 on a three month tour of Central America. We hit Mexico, Guatemala, Belize, and Honduras…that bike and I saw some pretty scary times in Central America…but we also saw some of the best times of my life there. One more time, I can tell you, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. I really am having a wonderful time of my life.

I am now riding a 93 1200 XL Sportster. It’s the smallest bike I have owned since my 71 Pan-Shovel and my 59 Pan. It just doesn’t seem to matter. She’s a good bike. She and I have shared well over 150K of road together in just 4 years. I love her, and I still love the road. These days, when my Mom isn’t feeling ill, you will still find me exploring the roads and by ways of the Dixie regions I now call home. I still love my life as a biker, and I can’t think of any other way I would want to live.

I travel alone, and have for most of my travel days. I have had a few experiences that could have killed me, but didn’t. I have met a few people who meant to kill me, but didn’t. I have seen a good part of my world on the back of my motorcycles, and I can’t think of any other way to have experienced it and still feel as connected to the world and the memories as I do now. I couldn’t have done all this without the motorcycle to help expand and heighten the sensations of fear, happiness, excitement, and pain….everything you can think of….because I can feel, smell, touch, hear, and taste most of my travel experiences. I’m a lucky gal, who has lived a lucky life, and I’m grateful for the motorcycle, for it’s the conveyance to all these great memories and feelings!

Marilyn Elmore has been writing moto-photo-journalism pieces since 2002. After more than twenty years of working at one unsatisfying profession after the other, Marilyn took and passed the GED with the idea of learning “how to write.” Marilyn graduated with Masters degrees in Journalism and English in 2005 at the age of 50.

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My first job was being signed on with Mattel for all Barbie ads, from boxes to commercials. It was amazing. It was like having a hobby. I was extremely energetic so it was a way to channel that energy at a young age. Also it was so much fun to share with all my friends all the Barbie toys they gave me! I really fell into it. I had a family friend that just keeping approach me about how she thought I should get into the business. And after a series of circumstances it all just fell into place. I just new I loved to take pictures and talking and the mixture of the two worked in my favor.

Just imagine playing with Barbie and Ken and the next thing you know you’re doing it in front of cameras.

Tell us about being the “Face of Barbie”.

It was a 7 year-old’s dream comes true. I loved Barbie!! Who doesn’t? Just imagine playing with Barbie and Ken and the next thing you know you’re doing it in front of cameras. And then you are in a store and your face is plastered on the newest Barbie box. You couldn’t wipe my smile off my face.

How did things change as you moved into your teens? Was it hard to be so “visible” during your years of puberty?

As I got older I just started to take it more seriously and had to deal more with girls at school that didn’t like me for whatever reason. I think it was hard is still hard to transition from a child to and adult with so many eyes watching you. Trying to have people view you as a lady instead of a girl is still a challenge sometimes. Other than that though, honestly, the hardest part was just have to make grown up decisions about what jobs to take and who to represent me and how I was going to manage getting ahead in school to graduate early while still have a normal teen life.

How did your childhood in the industry and your upbringing influence the kind of person you are today?

Definitely, it made me matures quickly. I had to start making decisions that would influence the rest of my life. That was never easy it still isn’t but at least I know more now then I did then. It also developed my business and social skills. I am still the same energetic, passionate, and ambitious person I was when was little. I just have more experience now. WOW. That sounds weird for me to say.

You’ve had your share of fun and serious roles. Tell us about your more memorable roles as you moved from “spokesperson” and into acting.

I love them all. I’ve grown with every role. I loved playing Callie in “Summerland.” We were just such a family and it was my first steady job that I got to test my acting chops. And I got to kiss Jesse McCartney! Then CSI and Kaya were I got to really get into the depth of my characters was such a challenge and rewarding experience. I mean in the middle there has been just fun roles like in Bring it on all or nothing. But every single project has left a lasting impression on me.

It is sad when you see films that do make women into these screaming crude idiots.

You’ve done some films in the horror genre. Do you feel that they objectify women?

Well, I will admit that they can.  It honestly depends on the film.  It’s why, I believe, I first approached Boogeyman 2 with skepticism. Then I read the script and saw what a strong character Laura was. I do think there is a common stereotype with horror films that is very present. It is sad when you see films that do make women into these screaming crude idiots. But that really falls on the person playing the role and whether or not they want to play such a character. I do hope that changes in the future.

You did a fabulous independent film, American Primitive. Tell us all about that role? Why is the film so important to you?

My character Madeline Goodhart is a conflicted teen dealing with the death of her mother, moving to a new town, and her father’s secrets. I was so attracted to the character and the movie because of the realism and passion in the script. It was a script that I couldn’t put down. It had me crying and laughing and just impatient to see read the conclusion. On top of it all is was so beautiful. To me it wasn’t like any film out at the time. It is about real people of all ages dealing with their own personal demons but without putting you to sleep. And I loved how the film was from a Madeline, a female teen’s point of view.

And about “Kaya”? Prior to that, did you have a desire for music or did it peek your interest?

I starting singing at the same time I started acting. I continued to sing in girl bands as I was acting but acting seemed to just take up more time. Kaya was really the best of both worlds. I really got the chance to combine all my passions in one project. It did though propel me to put more time into my music and focus on recording my solo album. So in that way, it did intrigue me enough to pursue it further.

We  hear you are working on your first album. Tell us more about it. What kind of music are you performing, who are you working with, etc.

I call it pop with edge. It catchy, danceable music but I have a slight edge to me that just gives the music its personality. It is an exciting venture writing and producing with such talented producers. I have gotten to work with Evan Taubenfield, Jack Elliot, and Thomas Hein among others. Music is such a collaborative and expressive experience. I love just sitting down and growing something from just a beat or a catchy line. And performing in front of an audience is like nothing else.

Fans will love you no matter what. And there is something to be said about that.

Do you feel you are sometimes too accessible to fans or not accessible enough?

I don’t think you can be too accessible. Your fans are everything alongside the work itself. I feel there are things in your life that should be kept private just for sanity reasons but when it comes to being out there to talk to fans I try to be as accessible as possible. I feel the fans have really supported me through some times when I really needed the support. And fans will always be there for you. Fans will love you no matter what. And there is something to be said about that.

How do you manage to have a personal life? Tells us about family, dating, pets – living in this age of so much information about celebrities.

It is scary and hard at times but it’s the career I chose and I have to give up a piece of my privacy as a result of that choice. I think the most important thing for me is that I live outside LA so I am not afraid of walking outside and immediately being on the alert. I have an amazing supportive family that is there for me 24/7. I have a sister that is my best friend! And I have a big dorky Labrador that is always happy to see me when I come home. Dating is usually put to the side because I have a thing were I can’t date people I work with and I never want to ruin male friendships by taking that route. Dating is really a catch 22. Also the acting business is a lot like being in high school all over again the second you are seen out with someone everyone knows and that is never fun; especially when you are try to start something with someone. I think there is a little to emphasis on the celebrities for the wrong reasons! I wish they would focus more on the work of the actor or actress then where they are eating or how they got drunk one night. But we all love drama so it’s understandable why we are all attracted to it.

It’s a typical Sunday. Walk us through your day…

* 630am-wake up and run -I know I am weird
* 9am-an amazing breakfast ( one of the only days in the week I get to cook myself breakfast)
* 10am-read scripts for the next week and wait for all of my friends to wake up. lol.
* 1pm-my friends are awake and depending on the season with either go to the beach or snowboarding or horseback riding. On a really good day will go to the spa.
* 8pm-usually sushi with my friends
* 10pm-a movie( either at one of our houses or at the theater)
* 12am-finally home. Get ready for Monday and get a good night sleep.
* I love Sundays!

Join us next month for Part Two of our interview with Danielle Savre.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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First, please tell our readers a bit about yourself, in your own words?
I’m Lane Carlson and I’m from Stillwater, MN. I’m a big believer that you get back what you put into this world. I’m a very easy going person and am grateful for the friends and relationships I have in my life. I love to travel, meet new people, love stories, and feel one of my main strengths is the ability to listen and always find middle ground in communication.

You’re from Minnesota, and, according to your bio, were discovered in LaCrosse, WI. Do you still consider yourself a Midwesterner?
Midwestern roots are hard to shake – you can take me out of the Midwest, but can’t take the Midwest out of me.

Do you feel that growing up in that part of the country gave you any kind of grounding that folks from either coast may not have?
Definitely, there is a certain humbling lifestyle we all experience in the Midwest that transforms and creates the type of people we are and attract. We are the happy medium between the craziness of the New York lifestyle and Easiness of the West Coast mentality.

A lot of models eventually try to cross over to acting. Do you have any plans to do so, or are you content with your career as it stands?
Paul Newman is my idol. Philanthropist / Actor / Model is definitely in the cards. It’s always been a passion of mine, but breaking into the acting world is just as hard as securing a sustainable corporate sponsor in this volatile market. I’ll keep plugging away and eventually I’ll have both.

You’re a twin, and you share both a career and a website with your brother. Physical similarities are obvious and the site lists a number of other similarities between you, but what are some of the differences? What is unique about you?

The fact that I spend my summers visiting project in impoverished countries is pretty unique. Other differences between my brother and me: I have long hair, brother’s is short. I like to surf and skateboard. My brother has a successful construction company in California – I have a successful Non Profit.

Your website also mentions that family is important to you. How do you balance career and family – or do you?

Make a conscious commitment to touch base with family members and be very understanding. Be grateful for what you have in your life – regardless of ups and downs. At the end of the day – my family is my backbone and support in life

What sorts of things do you do to relax when you have down-time?

Run, watch movies, play guitar, go to the beach, listen too music, hang with friends.

Let’s talk about some of your philanthropic work. You’re involved with the Sunflower Children. Tell us a bit about that organization?

Sunflower Children is network of high quality, local and non-governmental organizations with a focus on humanitarian aid - providing survival and development care for the forgotten children of the world.

Sunflower’s efforts encompass medical, nutritional, psychological, educational, adoption and other humanitarian support that nurtures survival, health, growth and hope for orphaned, disabled, abandoned, refugee and impoverished children around the world.

Sunflower believes that education is the key to a better life for disadvantaged children. Accordingly, Sunflower focuses on providing vital support - including healthcare, nutritional and other basic needs - that enable children in Sunflower Project communities to pursue educational growth. Sunflower believes that anyone can make a difference in a child’s life.

Sunflower currently operates 12 programs in 8 countries.

You’re listed as the executive director. Is that an honorary title, or do you actually have hands-on involvement in the organization?

Ha! If you only knew … I live and breathe Sunflower Children 24/7 so, yes, from traveling to impoverished countries to due-dilegence projects, to putting proposals together, managing financials, budgets, volunteers, managing fundraisers – yes, I actually take a hands on approach to my work within the organization.

There’s no disputing that the world’s children are our future. Was there a particular child or story that motivated you to get involved, or was it a general call?

My cousin Heidi.
Do you feel that celebrities (actors/models/musicians/authors) have an obligation to set an example, or give back to society? Why or why not?

I would like to say it’s more of an opportunity rather than obligation. I feel that if you are put in a place of leadership, you have the opportunity to set the example for others to follow. People are more receptive to organic leadership rather than a forced obligation to lead.

What are some of Sunflower Children’s future plans?

To empower a global network to make change and better the lives of those in need around the world.

And where can we expect to see you next? What’s next for Lane Carlson?

You can see me in the next UGG campaign coming out with Estella Warren this March as well as Philanthropic works in Los Angeles and New York.
To visit Lane Carlson’s website, which he shares with his brother Kyle, visit The Carlson Twins. For more information about Lane’s work with impoverished children, visit Sunflower Children.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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It’s a bold statement to make, of that I am quite well aware. However, the results of some extensive woolgathering in preparation for writing this column have shown me that it’s not only a fair assessment, but a point of fact. Professionally, the concept “continual improvement” means that while there may not be visible improvement each and every day of a project, when you step back to examine the overall progress, you see that improvement has indeed been achieved. It was an amazing realization to see that my life had become like a project I had managed and I could see concrete continual improvement. The act of embracing being more constructive in how I live has assisted me in gaining a leap in spirit. The key seems to have been a lot of soul searching for what I want mixed with just a little bit of self-discipline and even more forgiveness.Yes, I said that word. Forgiveness.

What I didn’t quite realize, however, is that in a part of the desire to live in a constructive manner, I would have to embrace the act of forgiveness as a part of that.

I was doing the self-flagellation thing again, and admitted to a friend that the one word in 2008 that I did not master was a word I purposely did not choose for 2009. The ability to be forgiving of myself was too hard and I had felt that choosing it again would only set myself up for feelings of failure. What I didn’t quite realize, however, is that in a part of the desire to live in a constructive manner, I would have to embrace the act of forgiveness as a part of that. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t made mistakes, as those are as natural as breathing. What it does mean is that when I go to bed each night, I have begun to set my spirit apart from my mistakes. The growing ability to forgive myself is allowing my soul respite when I move from waking to slumber. For the first time in several years, I am getting good and solid sleep each and every night.

One of my other focuses for 2009 is to “retain my spunk”. When I was defining concepts into words as I wrote my January column, I had been playing with words that spoke to my passion for living life. The word “spunk” was a word stuck with me as a representation to embrace the authentic me. The past month, I have been blessed with the time explore my childhood hometown. Standing on the banks of the creek that winds its way into the woods where I played as a child has been incredibly healing and my soul has found a level of comfort that has not been felt in more than twenty years. I am remembering that life has as its bonus the ability to play and the opportunity to explore our imaginations. For me, that is how my spunk has become manifest. I am writing pieces of fiction and poetry that have been beyond the reach of my imagination since I was that child playing in the woods.

There are some sacred relationships in a woman’s life. One of the most sacred is the relationship between a woman and her hairdresser. Mine told me that she had never seen me looking better rested or happier. That comment showed me that the growth I had made was shining to the outside as well as the inside. That, my friends, is nothing short of a beautiful gift.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. She now checks the 40-45 box on surveys, loves to travel and sings in the shower. She dreams of sunny beaches, moonlight nights, and meeting a man who can dance. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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The good news is that if you are traveling for business, the work you are doing has been deemed important enough to warrant spending money so you can be there in person. To make the most of your trip you will need to be prepared. If you can protect yourself against the usual hassles that business travelers endure, it frees you up to be at your peak performance so you can handle that difficult client, demanding project schedule, or late night white boarding session.

Hassle free business travel? Impossible. Hassle lite? Totally doable. Here are a few tips gleaned from my travels:

Here are a few tips gleaned from my travels

Use GPS: Even if my company’s expense policy doesn’t cover it, I’ll pay for GPS myself when I’m getting a rental car. Late arrival to a client meeting or business dinner, even if the reason is that you were lost, makes a negative impression.

Carry On: As long as you are physically able to, you should try to carry on. Luggage gets lost, even on direct flights. Unless you have the time and money to replace lost or delayed items, buy a pint-sized clear plastic bag and woman-up. Sephora has a nice set of refillable jars and bottles you can use, and most of them are below the 3.0 oz limit set by the Transportation Security Administration for liquids or gels.

Carry Smart: Wear your biggest, bulkiest items on the flight (boots don’t take too long to remove in the security line) so you have the maximum space available in your suitcase. Even if you’d planned to carry on, you may be forced to check your bigger bag due to space restrictions. That’s why I suggest that you find a personal item sized bag that fits your laptop as well as your bathroom kit, plastic bag for liquids, notebook, folders, and recreational reading.  I prefer the Lands’ End Lighthouse Luggage series in bright red. The set looks sharp monogrammed and the wheeled suitcase still looks good after getting jammed into the increasingly smaller overhead bins.

Leverage recommendations. Business travelers are an opinionated bunch when it comes to their favorite places to stay, eat, and rent a car. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Ask for opinions. Visit sites like Yelp that are loaded with useful reviews.

Comply with the expense policy. Get familiar with your company’s travel and entertainment expense policy and follow it. If you make the mistake of staying at the wrong hotel or spending more than your daily allowance on meals, it could cost you more than your hard earned cash. Not complying with company polices is a sure way to get flagged as someone who isn’t a team player. Besides, who has the time to deal with the hassle of resubmitting a rejected expense report?

Join loyalty programs. If used the right way, frequent flier programs, car rental clubs, and hotel stay points can pay you back for the extra effort involved in traveling for business. Join even if you don’t think you’ll travel again. You never know what the future has in store for you.

H2O. Stay hydrated. I’m not suggesting that you take several bottles of water on the plane (you won’t get through security with them anyway). But what I am suggesting is that you pay more attention to your hydration level when you’re on a business trip. The dry air on the plane and at the hotel can leave your eyes and throat scratchy. If you’re entertaining clients you might have a drink or two. Before you know it, you’ve got a headache in the middle of the day and are running around trying to find some Tylenol when you should be putting the finishing touches on a key client deliverable.

Some may disagree with some or all of the above tips. Many of my friends and family continue to insist on checking their baggage, for example. To each her own. Regardless of whether you’re a carry on crusader or a bag checking zealot, I wish you a successful, productive, hassle lite business trip. May your laptop battery last your entire flight, and may you get upgraded to first class for free.

Elia Sheldon is a working mother of two daughters who lives in Chatham, NJ and manages large scale programs for a Fortune 50 company. She enjoys time with her family, working on her novel, and attending hot yoga classes. Her column focuses on providing ideas, thoughts, and advice to help demystify the corporate jungle and achieve better work life balance. Need advice? Send questions to: elia@eliasheldon.com.

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The dream of owning and riding my own motorcycles, I believe was set in motion around the time I first saw the picture of my Dad standing beside a Harley Davidson motorcycle, the picture was taken circa 1951. I asked my Mom about this picture at that time and she told me Dad won it in a poker game just before the birth of my oldest brother Mark.

I can’t recall seeing that picture ever again, but I still have the romantic and much idealized portrait in my head of my Dad with his old HD. It stuck with me…and I can remember lying in bed at night with that picture floating around in my head. I wanted to be a biker too. Later that year, Dad came home with a Vespa. I’ll tell you, it was a fun little thing. Dad took all the kids and Mom for little rides on Saturdays. That was the only day we really got to spend with Dad, and if we were willing to climb on the back of his Vespa with him, we too could explore the back roads and illegal dumps with him…yaaay….

By the time I was in my teens, we had moved to Greece. There I was introduced to the 50cc machines of the Kiosk Rental agencies. By the age of 13, I was skipping school and renting 50cc motorcycles in order to explore the by ways and roadways of Greece. Believe me when I tell you, I had the time of my life, and nothing was going to stop me. Nothing that is, except one more move, this time to West Germany.

By the age of 13, I was skipping school and renting 50cc motorcycles in order to explore the by ways and roadways of Greece.

Actually, moving to West Germany didn’t stop me; it just kind of derailed me for a few months. Germany wouldn’t rent mopeds or mini scooters to minors my age, so what did I do to get my fix? I started dating GI’s. By this time, I had turned 14, and looked a bit older…acted like I was 18, and believed I knew everything that a 30 year old knew. I have since come to the realization that I am alive today because of a few factors.

• I was a lucky girl in the fact I was loved by parents and siblings. They each watched out for me, even when I wasn’t looking out for myself.
• Because of people who cared about me, it was drummed into my head that I was and am an intelligent person: one who with some attention to detail can learn from her past mistakes. I was allowed to make them, and expected to fix them in a proper and honorable manner.

Of course there is more to the story of staying alive, but in reality that has little to do with this story.

(Watch for Part Two April 1, 2009)

Photo Courtesy Marilyn Bragg

Marilyn Elmore has been writing moto-photo-journalism pieces since 2002. After more than twenty years of working at one unsatisfying profession after the other, Marilyn took and passed the GED with the idea of learning “how to write.” Marilyn graduated with Masters degrees in Journalism and English in 2005 at the age of 50.

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While I’ve never particularly wanted to be a rock star – my own tastes are more folk/pop, jazz, and Broadway show tunes – I’ve always admired the independent spirit of women rockers. These women who have no fear of being seen with sweat running down their arms and faces while they do what they love, who are empowered to scream into a microphone if their art and their emotions urge them to, who are so self-possessed that seemingly nothing can harm them. They are superheroes, in a sense, made stronger by the fact that they’re not supernatural at all, but real women, in all shapes, sizes and colors. I think, in that sense, they represent the inner rock star in all of us.

My own inner rock star has been silent of late. I could blame the dry weather, the temporary addition of a foster dog to my house, the subsequent removal of the foster dog (no worries – he was adopted and has a family of his own) which coincided with the death of my own, much beloved, 14-year-old Chihuahua, or any number of other single events which add up to a huge ball of stress, but the reality is that the wild, free, part of me is dormant because sometimes she scares me.

…but the reality is that the wild, free, part of me is dormant because sometimes she scares me.

This is embarrassing to admit. I mean, my own mother is one of the strongest, fiercest women I know (and the most generous). I have been surrounded by other strong, smart, fierce women my entire life, and the vast majority of the men in my life have been loving, supportive, equally smart, fierce, and enlightened. (Two of them also have mad sock-whitening skills, but that, too, is another story.) There is no reason I should ever –EVER – feel the need to hide behind a mask of polite interest and casual chatter.

But I do.

I may not be censored by external sources, but I censor my writing (my fiction, my blog, all of it) because I’m afraid of the emotions I might dig up when I go deep, afraid of how dark I might really be. Afraid of…me.

And really, that’s ridiculous. So, it stops, and it stops now. (And really, with March 8th being International Woman’s Day, could there be a better time?) This column isn’t my manifesto, and it’s not a declaration of independence, either. It’s me, virtually strapping on a Fender, plugging it into an amp, and sending loud, raucous, awe-inspiring chords out into the universe, and, like a cosmic game of Telephone, being open to whatever comes back.

Maybe I’m not an indie rocker (though my hair makes me look like one), but I’m reclaiming my inner rock star, and I can’t wait to see what happens.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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Azza Humadi is the program manager of the Gulf Region Division’s Women’s Advocate Initiative. Humadi has forged a close relationship with the women she mentors, so much so that three of them joined her Thursday for a special roundtable conversation with bloggers and on-line journalists.

“I share with them part of my life,” said Humadi. “We go through issues with them on a daily basis and we have to make sure they are safe…secure.”

For Iraqi businesswomen, the success of their work depends on more than a bottom line, but is directly linked to security. Many of the women have worked in “hot” areas, said Humadi, and depending on conditions, just getting to the location of their government contracts can be difficult.

Joint Contracting Command Iraq/Afghanistan has 1,848 registered women-owned businesses, and 1,020 contracts were awarded to women owned businesses between Dec. 2008 to Jan. 2008. From 2005 to 2008 the dollar amount of contracts awarded has increased from 7 million to 187 million, according to Lt. Col. Sandra Rodriquez-Brown, director of the Host Nation Business Advocate program.

The Gulf Region Division’s Women’s Advocate Initiative has had no small part in that progress, through its special programs, conferences and training for Iraqi businesswomen. Regular conferences and meetings bring women together to learn about the contracting process, how to register, and how to establish a business within a military installation.

Mary Terese Marrow owns Melik Al Misk Trading and General Contracts, Ltd. As an environmental engineer, she has seen her business grow with the help of Azza and the Women’s Advocate Initiative.
“This program helps women a lot. It’s really made a transition, a difference for women,” said Marrow. “I got my first contract in 2006 by the help of Azza (Humadi).” Marrow sites herself as just one example of how the group has helped businesswomen. She’s now providing vocational training for 650 trainees with 100 trainers, another contract she’s been able to secure for her company because of the training and networking assistance she has received.

Entisar Al Taee owns Golden Hareer and discussed how women across the country have benefited from the growth and expansion of their businesses.

“The women are now more developed, more professional and…companies expand,” said Taee. Her company began in 2003 and she has seen security, opportunity and partnership improve over the years since. Taee said that where there used to be zero work opportunities you now see many, with more space for women to show what they can do as professionals.

For Humadi, the relationships go beyond professional – it’s personal.

“I established a great relationship with them and they mean so much to me,” said Humadi. “The challenges they go through is a lot. I think they are very courageous women.”

For more information on the Gulf Region’s Women’s Advocate Initiative and other U.S. Army Corps of Engineers programs, visit http://www.grd.usace.army.mil/news/releases/index.asp. For a video story about a woman-owned business opening in Baghdad, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj4c1RxTZ4M.

Lindy Kyzer is a Public Affairs Specialist in the United States Army

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What would you say is the biggest difference between fiction writing and writing for TV? Is there a difference? Which one do you find easier/harder?

Writing TV is collaborative; writing fiction is solitary. In TV, you have to be fairly un-precious about your work, because you don’t have a lot of time with it before a bunch of folks swoop down to pick it apart and make it producible. On the other hand, it’s a very direct, visual way of telling a story—and millions more people will get to see your work than would probably ever read your story. Writing fiction, though—for me, anyway— is a way to get at more instinctual, deeper impulses. I don’t try to rationalize or explain why I want to tell a certain story. I let it spin out and tell me.

So, which is easier? Writing well is difficult, period.

You probably often hear this question, but we all know Hollywood is a very competitive place, so how did you start working for television and what do you think is your main strength that helped you succeed?

When my former writing partner and I made the finals of a screenplay competition, we signed with a fantastic agent named Sue Naegle. She suggested we write a TV spec, because the work was steadier than film; five years later, here I am.

One thing I assume has helped me is my attitude. I haven’t lost my sense of gratitude about having this career. I know how fortunate I am, and I also know how hard I’ve worked to get here. So I come in ready to work and, barring act of God, cheerful about it.

When working on a TV show, the writers work as a team, at least in the brainstorming, planning, plotting stages. Writers are infamous for being solitary souls. So, are TV writers different or do you simply have to adapt to team work if you want the job?

There is an advanced social skill-set that goes along with being a TV writer, definitely. Stereotype aside, I’ve met plenty of writers who are naturally adept in groups. And I’ve known writers who find working with others so difficult that they contemplate quitting and moving to remote Arctic locations reachable only by helicopter. We’re all over the spectrum. If you want to work in TV badly enough, you’ll try to adapt, I suppose. It’s like any other job that way.

What’s the process of writing an episode like? Where do you start? What’s the difference between your roles as a writer, (executive) story editor and producer on the show?

About titles: writers are promoted each season. Titles just reflect seniority. Upper-level producers are expected to be able to handle their own writing with little assistance, work with other writers, and also juggle non-writing production duties.

So, the episode process. First, I write an “arena,” a few paragraphs explaining the episode. Essentially, this sells it to the studio and network. Then I go off to break the story (”breaking” is TV for “figuring it out”) on a whiteboard. That’s where most of the work goes. It takes up to two weeks, I’d say, though it’s hard to know because nothing in TV is done on an uninterrupted basis. Then I write an outline. Then, I’m finally off to script. Which at that point kinda feels like dessert.

From there I’ll rewrite the script based on my bosses’ notes. Then rewrite it based on studio notes. Then network notes. And, of course, the perfect version will be two hundred thousand dollars over budget, so I’ll have to rewrite it to make it producible.

Have you ever been to the set when your script was being filmed? Was it hard to watch the actors flesh out your characters, your words, did you feel they did your work justice?

Yes, I’ve been on set for my episodes in the past; the show I work for now films in Canada, so I can’t be there. Being on set is exciting. TV actors are incredible professionals. They pick up a script, look at it for ten minutes, hit every single beat, and often turn something that was just okay on the page into something fabulous. So, sitting in the middle of the action doesn’t make me nervous at all—I tend to look around, marveling that all these people are there to bring to life this thing I typed at two in the morning. It’s what you daydream about for all those years before you get your first job.

How does your workday look like? Do the tight deadlines hinder your inspiration and creativity?

I move through the world in disguise as regular working American adult. I get in my car and drive to an office, work all day, and then drive home. I suppose I don’t have to worry as much about what I wear as actual nine-to-fivers, but otherwise I’m very convincing.

Every writer has an internal rhythm. I know writers who work best when they set schedules and write a few pages a day. I’ve tried that and it drives me absolutely batshit. I write fast. And I like to write as much as I possibly can in one spurt. So tight deadlines actually make me happy.

What do you find easier to write when it comes to a TV show: comedic elements, action or angst?

My favorite scripts to write have a bit of everything. When I’m breaking the story, of course, I do think, “a joke goes here, a fight scene goes here, the hero breaks down here.” But once I’m writing, I don’t find one element particularly breezier than another. I tackle things as they come. The single best tool in my box is something that got drilled into me in acting school; I find it applies across the board when I’m writing: be specific, be specific, be specific.

Sometimes it’s hard to stop writing when you’re working on a story. The ideas, questions, characters swirl around in your head till they drive you insane. Do you ever get tired of writing, of the whole mental process of writing?

Not so far.

What do you like to do in your free time? Do you even have any free time with your busy schedule?

I make free time. I veg out without apology. I don’t care if it looks lazy. It’s vital. All the bad TV, the cheap novels, tabloids, the hours spent splayed out on the floor listening to music. Because I really am trying to leave work behind for a few hours, put it totally out of my mind, so I come back to it refreshed.

My favorite things to do are highly basic. All the usual stuff—movies, hanging out with friends, that kind of thing. If I have over a week off I start to get ambitious, but any less than that and I keep it simple.

Supernatural is now in its fourth season, you wrote the second episode and you’ll probably write a few more this season, and you will adapt the Miki Falls series for the big screen. Do you have any future projects beside that? Any stories or novels in the work? Anything you’d really want to try, something totally unrelated to writing maybe?

Yes, I’m also writing a pilot for Showtime. And last spring, I contributed a short story to a collection Susie Bright will be publishing this year. I based it on a very old fragment I had sitting around. I’ve had a private laugh at Supernatural because several elements from that story ended up also popping up in the show this season. It’s interesting how patterns and themes emerge over and over in one’s writing. Or, in my case, not just themes but also actual creatures. I’m a dream patient for Jungian analysts.

There are lots of things unrelated to writing I’d like to try. I have a friend who sometimes shows up at my door with a couple of grocery bags and proceeds to cook me the most extravagant, poetic dishes. He’s a food magician. Before I met him, I was happy to stay at level one. Now, I want to learn how to cook all the crazy stuff.

Which books are currently on your nightstand? Do you choose authors/works depending on the mood you’re in?

I’m always reading a bunch at the same time. I have such a massive stack of books to get to that by the time I’m reading one I forget why I was compelled to buy it. Probably the recommendation generator on amazon.com suggested it. And I always have poetry and short stories lying around because they’re low-commitment—you can abandon them for ages and then open them to any page and be more or less forgiven.

So: Bonk by Mary Roach; The Likeness by Tana French—it’s the sequel to a book that floored me called In The Woods; two new books by friends: How To (Un)Cage A Girl by Francesca Lia Block and Love Junkie by Rachel Resnick; and a collection of Tobias Wolff’s stories. Two books of poetry: People On A Bridge by Wislawa Szymborska and Crush by Richard Siken (which, not to judge by it, has a distractingly beautiful cover).

And Letters To A Young Poet, Stephen Mitchell translation, has a permanent spot.

Writing or reading? Movies/TV or books?

Good thing I don’t have to pick.

Brigita Pavshich lives in Slovenia where she works as a literary translator. Some of her recent and forthcoming publications include short stories and poems at All Things Girl, Autumn Sky Poetry, Static Movement, Your Messages, an anthology by Cinnamon Press and others. She is currently seeking representation for my YA novel. My blog is www.bsoulflowers.blogspot.com.

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Even though I am more comfortable not wearing a bra, I do so to defy gravity. The more the female anatomy ages, the more we require training for our breasts. Bras are imbedded in our culture and we learn about their necessity from an early age. I for one have mixed emotions about my first official bra, not the one that my mother eventually bought me, the one that my best friend Annabelle gave me.

I grew up, reached puberty, and lived in an ancient Victorian monster that stood on the corner of Turner and Bay Streets in Clearwater, Florida. On lazy summer afternoons my friend Annabelle and I would walk down the hill to the end of Bay Street where we fished off the small covered dock and caught slimy catfish along with other bottom feeders that swam in and out of the bay from the Gulf of Mexico.

Annabelle wore her long curly red hair in a ponytail, spoke with a New England accent, and was the first girl in our fifth grade class to wear a bra. She was a tall girl for her age and a few months older then I. She could out-run, out-kick, and out-jump all the boys in the neighborhood. I followed her around like a small lost puppy. At times she treated me like her best friend and at other times she totally ignored me. I admired her, loathed her, and loved her all at the same time. She had breasts and I didn’t.

When we weren’t fishing, we often met at the playground by South Ward Elementary School to play kickball or climb the orange trees in the small grove between her house and mine to grab fresh fruit. Later, we would go for a swim in her pool.

On one particular day, Annabelle told me, “You’re flat chested.”

“Yes, I know.” This was quite obvious.

“I know how you can get boobs.”

“How?” I was very interested.

We went to her bedroom and she walked over to her dresser, pulled out a white object that seemed similar in appearance to my brother’s jock strap, only there were two cups instead of one.

“Here.” She handed me one of her old Playtex bras — one with the funny pointy cups.

I tried it on but something was missing. “It doesn’t look right.”

“No problem,” Annabelle said, went into her bathroom, came out and handed me a roll of toilet paper. “Try this.”

“How?”

“Crumble some up and shove the tissue in.”

I used a lot. Suddenly I had a bosom.

“Don’t let your mother know.” Annabelle was somber.

“Why?”

“It’s our secret.”

“Okay.”

My mother, however, noticed, did not say a word and several days later I found two new bras lying on my bed. The package said Her First Training Bra. They fit me, but I still liked Annabelle’s bra better because it was bigger.

I wore the bra all through 6th grade, even slept with it on until the worse thing that could ever happen, happened. Annabelle and I went to a dance at the Y.

We were dressing for the dance. “You need these,” Annabelle said and handed me two squishy conical objects. “They’re called falsies.”

“What do I do with them?”

“Put them in your bra.” I did, but the problem was that she never told me not to use toilet paper too, or told me how to put the foam pads in.

We went to the dance. Annabelle and I were popular that night and had a never ending retinue of dancing partners. My chest for once, equaled hers in size. I twisted, watusied, and stomped until somehow, not one, but both foam pads simultaneously became dislodged from my still too big bra and found their way onto the dance floor. Annabelle, who was right next to me, stopped dancing and started hysterically laughing while pointing at those things lying like upside down ice cream cones on the floor.

Other kids formed a circle and the harder they laughed; I began to cry. Luckily, as I ran all the way home and wished that I could just crawl in a hole and die, I had toilet paper handy to dry my eyes.

The first thing I did when I got home was take off that bra and bury it in the trash barrel. I never wanted to see Annabelle again and even though she tried to see me, my mother told her I was always somewhere else. I wished we could move and when my dad took a new job, my wish came true. We moved to Dunedin at the end of the summer.

As the moving van drove off I could see from the window a tall figure with flaming red curly hair flying in the soft summer breeze waving goodbye. To this day when I taste salty air and smell the heady scent of over-ripe oranges, I think of red hair and small foam rubber pads and begin to laugh. I am thankful that these pads have become built in conveniences for a contraption that continues to keep me in training while it defies the forces of gravity. Only now we call them wonder bras — how uplifting can being in training be?

Bev Hamel is a recovered corporate executive and now owns and operates an antique shop in the tiny Historic and National Landmark town of Bethania, North Carolina. She lives above the shop with her husband, two girls, three cats, a Scottish Terrier, and Yorkie Puppy in training. The shop is actually a front for her writing and teaching endeavors. She is a freelance writer and has published short stories, creative nonfiction, essays, poetry, local newspaper articles and was editor for an area women’s magazine. Bev has just completed her MFA at Goddard College and her first fiction novel Daughter of the Seven Fires and is busily working on 2nd, 3rd, and 4th.

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My recent journey into the wilderness played out in both the inner and outer realms. As many of my regular readers and friends know, I recently took a solo road trip to Texas to meet a group of people I know through Twitter, a social media network platform. Inspired by the connections I made with people all over the world, I decided to embark on Twitter Tour 2009—a plan to visit several places and meet these people face-to-face. For whatever reason, Texas was first on the list.

Living in California, almost as far west as one can go and still be in the lower 48 states, I rarely think of my home state as The West. The West is that iconic, larger-than-life, Marlboro Country place, not the place of date palms, beaches, and traffic jams. The idea of driving east to find the true west was compelling enough in itself, aside from my quest to meet the simpatico Twitter folks in the tiny town known as Alpine.

Like a perfect jigsaw puzzle, I packed the smart car with clothes, cooler, various electronic devices and the required chargers, cords, etc. I was prepared. As a fairly intrepid and pragmatic traveler, I was sure I had anticipated most of the things I might face. High winds, truckers, and food I couldn’t eat, along with lots of stares and questions about the funny little car I drive.

From the time I first started planning this trip I knew that it represented more than just an opportunity to overcome any fears I had of driving alone, in a tiny car, through the inhospitable Sonoran and Chihuahuan Deserts but I had no way to anticipate what was in store. I was unprepared.

I was unprepared that my quest for the west would include getting lost in the wilderness of my suspended thoughts and dreams. 

I was unprepared that my quest for the west would include getting lost in the wilderness of my suspended thoughts and dreams. Unprepared for hours of solitary asphalt time where tears alternating with laughter would be my desert soundtrack. Unprepared that I would get so emotional about driving east as I searched for the west, but emotional I was. I was driving into my wilderness.

Stunned that I felt such an upwelling of emotion that spanned the gamut from sorrow to joy to anxiety and back again, I just allowed myself to be in that space. To feel it, to let the tears stream—even in the presence of a stranger. The drive and the desertscape provided the perfect physical environment for my interior wilderness to come alive. So within the time span of a week, where driving was interspersed with meeting new people and seeing new places, I was able to get much closer to understanding what the road trip really meant for me. I was that much closer to crossing my wilderness.

Weeks later, I am still sorting out the details of the journey and making meaning from the emotions and experiences I had. Once again, I have verified that I can go anywhere and do anything, alone and without fear. And through this experience, where the space-time continuum would distort on long lonely stretches of road, I was able to gain more clarity about my path and my way of being. You see, I’m not afraid of going against society’s grain and I am not afraid to slaughter a few sacred cows. And I am definitely not afraid to return to the wilderness—even if it means driving east to find the west.

Shanna Trenholm is a writer, animal lover, eater of dark chocolate, and teller of truths. She finds inspiration in the ordinary; magic in the mundane. She likes to take baths and naps (in that order). Send her some bubble bath here: www.shannatrenholm.com

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Eight performances a week is demanding no matter what the show is, and especially for high-energy shows like Hairspray and Legally Blonde. How do you keep yourself healthy while still meeting the demands of your schedule?

Girl, I have a whole regimen. It depends on the demands of the show… sometimes they are more dance heavy, and sometimes they are more vocal heavy… so I have to adjust my lifestyle accordingly.

With Blonde, which was demanding all around. I limited my speaking so that I could sing (sometimes this was difficult because of interviews and life—and you end not being able to go out and hang with friends or call your parents back). I have become a big ichat, texting, emailing fool! I went to the steam room several times a week and always on two show days; I drink lots of tea, honey, and the tinctures I make up for myself. I go to voice lessons regularly to stay in good form; I warm up my body as well as my voice before a show, and cool down after. I learned to say “no” which was really hard for me… and I put the show before myself, which is why I can’t stay at a show forever. I get massage, physical therapy, go see an osteopath, and do acupuncture.

And, I drink Red Bull—no coffee…it’s bad for the chords, too much acid.

Women in all walks of life find themselves dealing with stress far too often. For many of us, pampering ourselves is the ultimate cure. What do you do for yourself when you need to de-stress? Massages? Spa-days? Copious amounts of chocolate?

All of the above! And, sometimes I just sit in front of the TV and eat and watch whatever I have taped on the DVR. I find blocking out one day a week where I don’t have to go anywhere – literally not leaving my home - and I don’t have to talk to anyone or return phone calls or emails is so helpful. It quiets the mind and lets you gear up for the rest of the week.

I enjoy going to the park or the pool and reading. I hang out with my friends. I have to be social as well…it is a big de-stressor for me. I take long walks with my ipod. I take long baths or soaks with arnica oil and Epson salts… and sometimes I use retail therapy. : ) And if I’m really lucky to have a few days, I go away somewhere.

Does exercise play an important part in your life, or are the rigors of a performance schedule enough to keep you fit?
When I did Legally Blonde, I did not and could not do any additional exercise besides the show and warming up for the show (which was about 15 minutes of cardio and stretching), but living in NYC you walk everywhere as well. I was a machine. I could literally eat anything I wanted.

Now, that I’m not doing the show, I am finding this is no longer the case! LOL! So, I have started walking more and getting back to going to the gym, jump rope/running with ipod (I jump rope for a song, and run for a song… then I walk for a song and stretch for a song at the end… It’s the best workout! Before Blonde, I ran about 5 miles five or six days a week. I ran track in high school and I still have a runner’s mentality and I enjoy it. Most members of my family are runners as well—they do competitive racing and marathons.

How about mental/spiritual fitness? Is faith or religion an important part of your life? Is there some other way you stay mentally balanced?

Yes it is. I’m a searcher. I am always asking myself, “What is the meaning of life ?” My dad has been asking me this question since I was about 3 years old. And, it has challenged me to always find a deeper meaning for my life and the events in my life.

I don’t consider myself religious, but I do live my life by a certain philosophy. I have explored and educated myself on many different religions, philosophies and faiths. I will always continue to do this and welcome the challenge of my beliefs. That is how you grow. Ultimately, it comes down to love, forgiveness, and compassion for yourself and others.

I also feel it is important to be present and live in the moment—in the now. I certainly don’t have the answers, but if we have one life to live, we should make the most of it. We should feel deeply because this is our chance to. It is the mind’s opportunity to feel the thoughts it creates through emotion. As an actress and performer, “feeling” is the ultimate gift. When I am on stage, I live in the moment and I feel deeply, it is incredible therapy for me and it comes the closest to a spiritual experience as I have ever had. That is why I will always do it.

Another thing I do is have philosophy groups with actors I work with between shows on two show days. We get together and discuss the book or philosopher we are reading. This is good for the muscle upstairs.

You’re involved in a couple of really interesting projects that involve young people and theatre. Have you always been a supporter of arts education?

Yes. I was fortunate enough to have a family that encourages the arts in my life. It has shaped my life, and I think all kids should have that opportunity.

Tell us a bit about Take it From the Top? Whose idea was this, and how did you get involved?

It was a joint idea between my partner, Paul Canaan and me. I already had Kreative Kids Foundation, which offers scholarships and funding to students and schools for arts education purposes. Take it From the Top (TFT) is taking that one step further providing a curriculum.

We are a performing arts educational company where we offer workshops and educational programs in the performing arts. We, and other Broadway professionals, travel to different cities and give workshops in acting, singing, dancing, auditioning and an array of other skills. It’s very hands on and fun. Paul is an incredible teacher and has a passion for it.

We were both young kids who starved for someone to teach us these things, so it made sense to build a company for it. We are also very inspired y the students we teach. It’s so rewarding to see them grow.

And your Kreative Kids Foundation?

I felt truly blessed in the last few years and I was inspired to give back. I want to give all kids the opportunities I had in the arts. So, I started Kreative Kids Foundation.

I noticed that the website for Kreative Kids specifically mentions middle schools. Did you find that that age group is often overlooked, with most of the concentration on elementary and high schools?

The “tweens” tend to need the arts the most. They are at the age where they are starting to become adults, developing hormones, not fitting in, and dealing with peer pressure. Some of these kids don’t want to play sport or excel at them and thus have no other outlet that is provided. The arts are an incredible outlet for all of their angst and their time. It’s also a perfect age to start using your emotions in your artwork or performance. It helps them deal with issues at home and at school if they understand certain artistic concepts.

And of course, I have to ask about Schmancy Purses. (Those are seriously great bags!) How involved are you in that company? Or are you? Is fashion something you plan to continue pursuing at some point?

I co-own the company with a very talented designer and artist Erin Pata. We started Schmancy two and a half years ago. We wanted to create unique purses for unique women. They have a country girl goes to the city vintage vibe. The bags are their own accessory and can been carried with jeans or a fancy dress. I would love to continue exploring fashion!

You’re a performer in many mediums, you do workshops and charitable work – you seem tireless, in fact – but what about the personal side of life? Is it difficult to find time for family and romantic relationships?

You bet it is! You realize that you make personal sacrifices for your career and your passions. But, I know I can’t neglect my personal life too much or I am not happy and I can’t properly pursue my career… It’s all about balance. The good thing is that I love what I do. The stage, the music, the arts… that’s my mistress. I wouldn’t be happy without both elements in my life. Sometimes, the scales shift more to one side, and then I drastically shift them back (like take weeks off and go to Kentucky and stay with my family or leave town for a romantic getaway)
.

As humans, we need real love and affection that comes from personal relationships. I never like to deny myself that. It makes life worth living! The good thing is, I often make a family and friends with the people I work with. Or, I choose to work with my good friends—Like Paul Canaan. He just makes life better and more fun when he is around.

What’s next for you? What’s in the works, and where would you like to be in five years, or in ten?

I was just signed to Universal Records Nashville (should be official in the next month). I am living in Nashville, writing and working on a new album. And I absolutely LOVE it!!! I am also working on developing a few television projects. I am doing several concerts in the next year, giving Take It From the Top Workshops all over the country, introducing a new line of Schmancy Purses, raising money for Kreative Kids, seeing my family more, and enjoying my life!

I have no idea where will be in five or ten years. I am too busy living in the moment to think about it… but since you asked, in five years I hope to have recorded several really fun and moving albums, written lots of songs and gone on tour –and learned every step of the way. I also hope to have created television programming that has a musical element to it.

I want to build an Equity affiliated theater in my hometown of Lexington, KY. I want to have produced my first Broadway Show, made a difference in children’s lives and I hope to have lived and loved to the fullest. In ten years, I hope that I have kids of my own to learn from or that I am thinking of having them. I hope that I feel I have had time to enjoy my life, the world and my family. I hope I am happy.

To find out more about Laura Bell Bundy, you can visit her website, Laura Bell Bundy.com. We also encourage you to check out the websites for The Kreative Kids Foundation, Take it From the Top, and SchmancyPurses.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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Ben, please tell our readers a bit about yourself, in your own words?

Ummmm…I am a father comedian game show host. I like to golf and swim. I am a perfectionist. I have a bad temper that I have learned to control(most of the time). I am always over analyzing myself and everything else to try to improve.

You’re from New Jersey, but you attended Old Dominion University. How does a kid from Chatham, N.J. end up in Norfolk, VA? Also, what did you study?

I didn’t really put too much effort into studying in school, so my choices were somewhat limited. My sister had gone to school in VA and I had gone to visit her and liked it down there. I was planning to be a marine biologist and ODU has a great program for that specific major. I changed after one year and tried psychology, then ended up going basic liberal arts.

Marine biology is vastly different than doing stand-up, or acting. Was there a part of you that always wanted to be an entertainer? Were you funny as a child?

People always told me I should be a comedian, but I never really paid attention to them until I was working at the Comedy Store in LA answering phones.

I was always more concerned with making the other kids laugh than anything else. My only plan early on was to have as much fun as possible. I thought I was funny as a child. Other people didn’t always agree, but I usually was able to get laughs in classes…enough that I would consistently get kicked out. Then I would do the work in a study hall and get “B’s” anyway.

How did you end up beginning your stand-up career, then?

I moved to LA to become a “movie star” as I liked to say back then. I got a job working at the Comedy Store on Sunset, and ended up doing my first show there and that was all it took.

I’ve seen your comedy style described as “surrealist observation.” Is this a description you support?

That was a description by my friend Scott Dikkers (The Onion). He said it, and I agreed. It is observational, but with a touch (or more) of ridiculousness. I thought it was the perfect description.

Most people – most of our readers, at least - probably know you more as the host of The Discovery Channel’s Cash Cab than for your comedy. Has the hosting job increased the size of the audience when you do comedy? Is there ever an unfavorable reaction when you go blue?

It definitely gets the people out to see me, and generally they are suprised, but not upset by “blue” material. I am generally a pretty clean comedian, but I swear a lot when I talk. I sometimes wish I didn’t.

Speaking of Cash Cab, you actually took the exam and got a cabbie’s license. Was this required for the job?

Yes, getting a real hack license was required to get the job.

Do you have any input into the questions that are asked? Could you actually answer them if the tables were turned?

I have nothing to do with the writing of the questions, but I have some veto power. I think I would do pretty well as a contestant, but you really never know. I always get quizzed before each game, and I know about 3/4 of the answers on average.

Are people who hail the cab ever frustrated when they find out it’s part of a reality tv-show and completely unwilling to play?

Yes, sometimes they just get right out without a word. I wish we could show some of those, but they leave without signing a release form so we can’t.

In addition to everything else, you’re also a tri-athlete, and as I write this, you’re in training for an Iron Man competition (it’ll be over by the time we go to press). How did you get involved in this level of competition?

I saw the Iron Man on TV when I was like 12 years old and always wanted to do it. The race that I did a few weeks back was a Half Iron Man. I finished it, which was my only goal as it was my first one. I have always tried to counter the comedian’s lifestyle with something healthy, and I always like to have a goal to work toward.

What’s your training regimen like? Do you have a coach assisting you, or are you training on your own?

I train myself, and I have a bit of an unorthodox method. I train as hard as I can on a given day when I feel rested and strong then I don’t train again until I feel rested and strong again. Sometimes I will only train twice in a week.

Does your athleticism help when you have those long (10+ hours) days of shooting? Do you have other techniques that help keep you alert?

I guess it does, 10 hours is a short day in the cab. When we first started out, it was more like 15 or 16. But then it was the adrenaline of the show that kept me going I think. I drink coffee all day long to stay awake and alive.

You’ve had roles in several films, both mainstream and independent. Do you consider yourself an actor, first, or a comedian first, or are they all just aspects of the same?

I am a comedian at heart and always will be. I love to act and to host the show, but comedy will always be there. Stand up is the root of everything that has happened for me.

What advice would you give to someone wanting to break into comedy?

Don’t do it. (Just kidding.) Get on stage as often as possible, no matter where. Try to be original, and unique, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you [that] you can’ t do it. Be ready to persevere for a long, long time, and keep another job until you don’t have time for it.

What’s next for you? Where should we look for you to appear?

I am set to do another stand up special and DVD in the spring, and there is a new season of Cash Cab on the way. There is a Cash Cab Board game on store shelves right now as well. I will be doing stand up in NYC as well as on the road for the next 6 months to get ready for the special. Check The Real Ben Bailey.com to see where and when.

Melissa A. Bartell likes strong coffee, red wine, and dark chocolate. She earns her living writing web-copy for an Internet marketing firm & dabbles in fiction on the side. She lives near Dallas, TX with her husband, two dogs, and more computers than anyone really needs. She is the Managing Editor here at All Things Girl. Find out more about her on our About Page, or check out her blog at MissMeliss.com

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Personally? I think it’s a lot of pressure on yourself, to buy into the concept that you are not enough. I am always amazed at those who give their all to a relationship with others, trying to win the Mom of the Year award or Best Wife award, yet never really know the deep down desires of the one person involved in every single one of your relationships: yourself. Oh, I too, am guilty of that in my not so distant past. I spent many years putting all my efforts into being what someone else wanted me to be that I didn’t have the time – nor the courage - to dig into my own heart to discover what it was I really wanted. When you are told that nothing you do is good enough, you question your want of a latte in the morning, let alone answering the question of what do I want out of my life as a whole. The relationship with yourself maybe the most complex one you will ever have, but YOU, my dear, are worth it.

I won’t lie and tell you that it’s easy.

Nothing that is truly worthwhile comes easily. And it’s a relationship, which takes work. And, as with every relationship, there may be a few tears that go along with the laughter. Both are important – the tears and the laughter – as they each possess an amazing restorative power.

I won’t lie and tell you that it will be a magic wand and your life will change overnight.

There is no instant fix to anything in this life. Well, there is duct tape and WD40 for some things in our lives, but not in this case. I can’t tell you every exact step it will take. I can only share with you what I’ve done (thus far) on my journey to discovering what I want out of life. Just because it’s not the New Year doesn’t mean that you can’t start today on the discovery to what you truly want. It’s not a “resolution” about being a better person, it’s about finding your passion in life. You can start it any day you want.

The process of discovering what it is you want out of life – out of yourself – takes time. You have to root around in your heart to find your passions, your soul to discover what passions really are uplifting, and your mind to examine the muddle through the possibilities. Once your heart, soul and mind have weighed in, don’t rule out your gut. Eventually, you will learn that your gut is helping show you the difference between external expectations and what is truly your desire, unadulterated.

I won’t lie and tell you that you will never want a significant other.

Companionship is a bonus. Having someone to love – someone that loves you right back – is something that is worth dreaming about. Now imagine how much better any other relationship will be, because the best you that can be found is a part of it.

I also won’t lie to you and tell you that it’s not rewarding.

One day, the light bulb will go off above your little head and not only will you know what you want, you will realize you are actively pursuing it. The light bulb moment came for me just recently, during the middle of an ordinary conversation with one of my best friends. We were talking about my personal life and I was telling her how my gut was telling me that something was the right fit although it was completely outside my norm, and she said to me “Maybe you finally love yourself enough to allow it.”  And there it was, all bright and shiny above my head: the light bulb!

In thinking about the past few months, I realize that I wake up each morning with a good idea of who I am and a feeling of contentment.  But I will say that just because I have had that light bulb moment, it isn’t time to stop. I’m not satisfied to just let things stay exactly as they are. I want more. I have proven to myself that I matter, that I am enough, and that anything I really want in life is a possibility.

One of the words I chose for 2009 is “heart” and the commitment to myself that I will remember to follow my heart. My wish for you this Valentine’s Day is that you find room in your heart to find what you want and most of all, find room in your heart to love a very important person – and that is yourself.

Deb Smouse is the Editor in Chief at All Things Girl. In recent month, she edged over the “age forty” line. She loves traveling, words, sometimes sings along with the radio, and dreams of sunny beaches - and meeting a man who can dance. Find out more about Deb on our About Page.

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“Now that you’re out of the woods, come to Florida,” my sister suggested, knowing I adored where she lived, her condo in Palm Beach. “I’ve always wanted to visit The Keys. Let’s go together.”

Before I could answer, she upped the ante with, “I understand there’s a Dolphin Research Center in Grassy Key. If you take a class, you can swim with dolphins they’ve rescued from the wild.”

“My passion only grew stronger with age”.

She didn’t need to say another word. Even though I was on a pauper’s budget, it was settled. I’d sell my gold jewelry, the fillings in my teeth; I’d take a second job if I had to. Since I was a kid, I’d loved the water and all things therein – from swimming to fish tanks to rabbit-ear adjustments whenever a Jacques Cousteau special aired on TV. My passion only grew stronger with age. Normally, I was cautious and frugal, but the precarious state of my body and spirit since my cancer surgery – and the on-going treatment – made my decision effortless. An opportunity like this might never pass this way again.

That left my sister and me to set off together a few weeks later. It was all arranged. We’d spend time exploring the tiny chain of islands that made up The Florida Keys, and on the way back to her place in Palm Beach, I’d take that class and have my dolphin encounter. The prospect was exciting and exhilarating, but as my sister’s car glided across the hundred miles of causeways and bridges that loomed over crystal blue seas, my belly roiled with anxiety. The reality of our road trip made me second guess if I really had the nerve to splash around with wild creatures with 250 teeth and weighing upwards of 600 pounds. To dream of swimming with dolphins is one thing, but having one actually surface alongside of you from the depths was another. And I also wondered if I’d have the wherewithal to spend an entire week with my big sister – a woman whom I’d loved and shared my childhood, but also a woman who lived her adult life in a completely opposing plane to the way I lived mine. Both loomed as ominous challenges.

The minute we pulled up to our ocean-front resort and my sister handed the car key to the valet, I learned that her idea of a vacation was to lazy poolside at the Tiki bar – her skin glistening beneath the sun in varying degrees of S.P.F. I favored the grit of the ocean and sipping lemonade beneath the shade of a palm tree.

Compromise – I learned it quickly. While I visited Ernest Hemingway’s house, my sister indulged in a facial and a massage. I feasted on take-out Key Lime Pie, while she indulged in cracked conch served on a china plate. The only things we really shared were the bathroom and the bill for an over-priced hotel that claimed sunset views. The term became something of an oxymoron – at least from our room – as our view was blocked by a multi-storied cruise ship docked in port directly outside our balcony. I looked forward to our taking in the sunset in Mallory Square instead, but asking my sister to watch a mango-colored sun slip into the horizon was like forcing her to sit through a double-feature, foreign film. It took some cajoling, but we joined the crowd gathered at the dock, facing west. I took aim with my camera at the colorful, local fare that consisted of fire eaters and jugglers and folks walking tight-ropes. But by the time showers of applause rained out to celebrate the end of another day, I realized my sister was gone. When I heard the sound of Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville spilling out into the square, I turned and spied her. Dressed to the nines, my sister, and her amply-endowed cleavage, were perched atop a bar stool. She tossed back her hair amid a flock of attentive, admiring men sporting wild, tropical-colored shirts.

Our two, rather separate vacations co-existed until our last day in Key West. I’d made my appointment for the dolphin encounter weeks before we left on our trip. But on the big morning, it proved nearly impossible to rouse my sister from her post happy-hour sleep.

“You’re not really serious about all this dolphin stuff, are you?” she groused, not lifting her head from the pillow.

“Of course, I am.”

She buffeted the bed sheet up to her chin. “You really want to willingly put your life in jeopardy all over again?”

Was my sister being lazy and hung-over, or was she the voice of reason? 250 teeth, 600 pounds . . . I swallowed a brick of fear and finally told her, “My mind’s made up. Are you coming or not?”

While I packed our things, my sister offered to gas up the car for our ride to the dolphin rescue center. But when her trip to the filling station turned epic, I grew concerned.

I finally found her pacing the hotel parking lot. The hood of her car was flung open and two men were fiddling with the engine. At the sight of me, my sister threw up her arms. She screamed, her voice cracking with, “Trixie’s dead!”

“She screamed, her voice cracking with, “Trixie’s dead!”

I didn’t know who Trixie was anymore than I knew what to say or do for my sister. “I’m sorry,” I said, offering my condolences.

“Don’t be sorry for me. If it’s Trixie’s alternator, then you can kiss your dolphin encounter goodbye.”

Epiphany washed over me. I had forgotten my sister’s habit of always naming her cars - Trixie was a perfect name for her sporty, red Toyota Matrix. And when I glanced at my watch, time was slipping away. One part of me felt anchored with disappointment that I probably wouldn’t make my dolphin encounter, while another felt unmoored with relief. Swimming with dolphins? Who are you kidding? You’ve never really been the thrill-seeking type.

Trixie was jump-started—again and again. On the umpteenth time, the mechanics swung their heads low. But my sister shook her fists and laced into them with, “C’mon, keep trying. You can’t quit. We have to be somewhere.”

My sister was making such a scene that folks loitering outside the hotel stopped and stared. I finally grabbed her by the shoulders and through clenched teeth said, “If we get there, we get there. If we don’t, we don’t. It’s not cancer.”

“I wish I could be as brave as you.”

Her eyes suddenly spewed tears. “That’s all the more reason why I really want this for you,” she cried. “I wish I could be as brave as you.”

My sister’s sudden outpouring caught me completely off-guard. Throughout my illness, she had offered companionship, but when it came to the details of her life and mine, we spoke in circles around the facts. I guess it was the safest means of our dealing with ugly, painful truths. Overwhelmed by what her feelings revealed to me, I threw my arms around her. Inhaling her hairspray and perfume, the air between us suddenly ripened with understanding. That’s when Trixie spit. She roared and purred. With her resurrection, we hopped inside and set off, high-tailing it all the way to the dolphin rescue center.

When I finally slid into the lagoon hours later, my teeth chattered and my body shivered with anticipation. But when the gray face of my dolphin emerged beside me and greeted me with a series of clicking sounds that seemed to signal hello, my heart swelled with awe and joy. A sleek beautiful creature named Calusa loomed deep below, then leapt high above me. With perfect trust, we splashed and played until I completely lost sight of those 250 teeth and 600 pounds. It wasn’t until my fingers latched on to her sandpaper-like dorsal fin and a rushing sweep of water hauled me swiftly away from the shoreline, that I caught a glimpse of my sister. She was standing on the dock – waving her arms, rooting me on. Both of us giddy with excitement, I realized that even though she was on land and I was at sea, together, we were dreaming our own versions of the same dream.

Kathleen Gerard’s fiction and nonfiction have been widely-anthologized and published in literary journals such as Calyx, Writers’ Forum (University of Colorado), The Crescent Review, Primo, Christianity and the Arts, Italian Americana (University of Providence-RI) and Storyteller magazine. Her writing was awarded The Perillo Prize for Italian American Literature and nominated for Best New American Voices, a national prize in literature. In edition, several of her essays have been broadcast on National Public Radio (NPR). She is currently at work on a novel.

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