The Blog

May 18th, 2008

If you had to choose

Sacrifice.  The word is laden with inntonations of things taken to an extreme measure.  Yes, it’s about giving up something for something else, but it’s more than that, isn’t it?  At a retreat a few years back I participated in a values setting exercise where we were asked to parcel a list of 50 values down to 10.  As the activity progressed the list narrowed further and further until we were left with just two.  Finally we had to pick our top value.  I looked down at the two words left on my page and felt sick to my stomach.  Shaking with rage and fear, I was reacting as if I were really being forced to decide which value to keep and which to toss.  Intimacy and creativity.  These were what I was down to.  I had crossed out health, knowledge, family and more.  When it was my turn to speak I looked up at my fellow retreat attendees, embarrased that I had tears streaming down my face, I said that I felt like I was being forced to choose between my husband and my writing.   It was in that soulful moment that the ephiphany arrived — I am a romance writer.  The two things that matter more to me than all others are love and writing.  They are the two things I will never sacrifice.   

May 18th, 2008

Balance

I have been reading the postings about the book, “The Boss in You”. It sounds like a really good read and a good way to clarify your thinking if becoming a boss is on your agenda. Lorissa’s posting, “Define your own success” comments on an extract from the book about defining what counts as success for you and this seems a really worthwhile thing to think about.
As I’ve become older I recognise that I have to earn enough to live on, but I don’t want to spend all my time working. A good work life balance is my idea of success. I believe that sufficient income to keep paying the bills, combined with enough time to spend with my family and also a little time to pursue interests is my idea of success. Recognising that people’s ideas and aims change over time makes this a very worthwhile exercise and one worth repeating at regular intervals.
What are other people’s ideas on success?

May 16th, 2008

Friday Indulgences

As the weekend is almost here (yayness!) it’s time to think about how to make the most of it. So, with that in mind, here are some indulgences to consider (a combination is always good as well). If we can’t take some time over the weekend to veg, enjoy ourselves and occasionally over-indulge, when can we?

Green & Blacks Almond Bar - Oh so very delicious and perfect for an evening vegging on the sofa watching your fave chick flick or diving into a new book. Visit their website for more details: GreenandBlacks.com. I also suggest the Butterscotch and Milk.


Sex and the City - rewatch (for the 3rd or 4th time if need be) the series before the movie hits your screens. I could easily spend a weekend watching Sex and the City and eating chocolate. Not that I should, but I could…


Stardust - A beautiful movie and if you haven’t seen it yet, you really should. Our own Nicola-Jane Ford wrote a great review on it.


The Hoosiers - for some fun, upbeat tunes to keep you going over the weekend, The Hoosiers are the perfect option.

May 14th, 2008

Define your own success

It’s been a rather busy few weeks so I’m only about 2 chapters in The Boss of You and so far I’m loving it! Although I’ve been my own boss for the last few years, I’m learning new things every day and this book is really helping me clarify a few things. One of the best exercises I did from the book was really think about, and write down, my idea of success. Lauren and Emira have a brilliant take on success and how we all define it differently. Success is not only, or always, about making huge amounts of money. For some, it may be having more time to be with your kids while still making enough to pay the bills. Or, perhaps your idea of success is being able to work in your pajamas and only starting your work day somewhere around noon. As Lauren and Emira point out, so many business books are all about the money with little, or no, regard to other important things in life.  I may pen more of my thoughts on this, but I loved being able to define my idea of success in my own way and I was pleasantly surprised at how much  had actually already achieved on my list. I felt rather successful actually. It was a nice moment to have, especially as I now embark on a rebrand of our company. It feels like the next logical step.

How do you define success? What does it mean to you? For me, I still have a number of goals I want to meet, but so far I’ve reached one level of success: My husband and I both work for our own company which has great, long-term client relationships, steady incoming work, pays the bills and allows us to decide how we work each day. Now to work on the next level.

P.S. Don’t forget you can comment on our guest blog post from Lauren and Emira and be entered to win a free copy of The Boss of You. Worth it, trust me!

May 8th, 2008

Yet Another Diet Pt. 2: The ANTI-DIET

So, it’s been about 3 weeks into this “diet” and I’m down…drumroll… 8 lbs! It’s a modest amount, I think, but I figure if I lose weight at a decent pace, then I’m more likely to keep it off.

The first week was the easiest. And that’s when I lost the most weight. 6 lbs in a week! I only exercised once that week though, I did a 2 mile power-walk, but I completely changed my eating habits. No “diet”. That’s a dirty word. Once I say I’m on a diet I’m immediately hungry, so I’ve just made the conscious choice to eat healthy. I cut out fast-food, fried-food, and junkie snacks like pastries, cookies and chips. I’ve always been a big water drinker and now I drink even more, plus I eat tons of fresh fruits and veggies. So those first 6 pounds were likely water weight since I reduced my sodium intake, but it’s less weight I’m carrying around so I’ll take it! I should also note that I went to dinner twice that week and ordered stuff I would normally eat, I just exercised some portion-control.

The second week I neither gained nor lost. It was the week my husband left for his 2nd tour to Iraq with the National Guard, so everything was somewhat upside down. We ate out a lot and I cooked all of my husband’s favorite foods. I’m lucky I didn’t gain 20 pounds!

This past week I joined a gym, but I only exercised twice. I watched what I ate. I became good friends with Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice and most nights, I didn’t eat anything after 8pm. Sugar-free Jello has become my drug of choice. It’s a simple plan and one I think I can stick with. There’s no magic formula, nothing complicated and I rarely feel like I’m depriving myself of something I want. And so far I’m on track to lose those 20 lbs by July…maybe even more!

What I am doing is not rocket science, and it’s something I should have done years ago. I’m putting my health first. And the more I focus on my desire to be a healthier person, as opposed to a thinner person, the easier it is for me to resist the sweet temptations that always got the better of me in the past. This is not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change. And no matter how cliche that sounds, it’s true, and so far, it’s working for me

Today I bit into an apple that was so sweet… it satisfied every single sweet tooth in my mouth (and I have a lot)!

May 8th, 2008

Embracing your inner Good Boss: Becoming an employer without losing your nerve

Hello! This is Lauren, one of the authors of The Boss of You: Everything a Woman Needs to Know to Start, Run, and Maintain Her Own Business. This post is the third installment of a four-part blog book tour we’ve undertaken to support the book’s release. (To read the two previous blog tour posts, visit Anti9to5Guide.com and FeliciaSullivan.com.) We’re delighted to be guests here at All Things Girl!

Our theme this week is hiring help, and today I’m going to focus on the psychological side of transitioning from “boss of you” to “boss of them.” A lot of small business owners struggle with the question of how to stay true to their personality and values as an employer. We have first-hand experience with this, because we went through the same struggle ourselves.

When we started our web design company eight years ago, we had this notion we would never hire staff. We’d just stay a teeny-tiny, two-person company forever, because that felt nice and comfortable. Manageable. And egalitarian. Two partners, fifty-fifty, with equal say and equal pay. That worked well for quite a while, too. But then we got insanely, brutally busy — our friends stopped recognizing us, “spare time” became a nostalgic dream, and it became abundantly, painfully clear we had to hire someone to help with the workload.

Trouble was, we had no idea how to be bosses.

Okay, yeah, we’d both managed people before, in a sort of middle-management capacity. But we didn’t love it, and we didn’t relish the thought of doing that again: having to be in charge of someone else’s schedule and work flow, checking their work, holding them accountable… It all felt like an awful combination of drudgery and nagging, and we wanted no part of it.

Obviously we weren’t exactly looking at the shiny side of the coin.

What we’ve come to realize about being an employer is that it affords you a marvelous opportunity to be The Good Boss — you know, the one who paid you well, respected your strengths, kept her expectations reasonable, and gave you just the right mix of challenging work and projects you could ace blindfolded? Okay, that description may not ring bells for everyone, but either way, when you hire someone to work for you, you get a chance to make someone’s work life pleasant.

When we woke up to that reality, we understood that the dread we’d been feeling about becoming bosses was actually fear that we would be bad bosses. We hated the idea we might turn into versions of the employers we had most fervently disliked — the guy who announced to his staff their salaries were suspended indefinitely, then sent someone out to pick up the keys to his brand-new Porsche, for example. Even though we’d both had good bosses, too, it was the bad ones that stuck out and made us reluctant to claim boss-hood.

As with most things, though, awareness of our own shortsightedness was the first step to recovery. We looked each other squarely in the eye and decided we’d better get over our own hangups right quick if we were ever going to take a vacation again. And we sat down and figured out what steps we could take to be the best employers we could.

Obviously there’s way more to being a good boss than we could possibly cover in a single blog post, but here are a few fundamentals:

• Know thyself. To hire the right person, you need to have a pretty good idea of where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Maybe you’re an ideas person but you’re not so hot with the details — in that case, you’d probably be best to hire someone who can run things through with a fine-toothed comb for you, leaving you to bask in your happy creative play zone. On the other hand, you might be a person who excels at talking to clients and prospective customers, but whose mind wanders a little when doing repetitive tasks; in that case, look for someone who doesn’t mind a job that involves little social interaction and a fair amount of sameness from one day to the next.
• Personality matters. In a small business, it’s integral that everyone trusts each other (at a bare minimum) — and ideally, you want everyone to get along swimmingly. Make no mistake, this is a serious relationship commitment you’re making; you’ll be spending an enormous amount of your waking life together, and although you’re not advertising for a best friend, you ought to make sure that you share enough common ground that you’ll be able to interact comfortably and communicate well on a daily basis.
• Spell it out. If you know you’re looking for a details person, include keywords like “meticulous” and “detail-oriented” in your job posting, and ask candidates you interview for examples of work they’ve done that shows they embody those qualities. Take the time, in both job postings and interviews, to outline your vision for your company, and the values you hold dear. You’re much more likely to find good employees, and make a strong match, if you explain to them clearly how they’ll fit into your company’s future.
• Respect the power dynamic. Being the boss isn’t easy for everyone; some of us have trouble with the idea of having power over others. The good news is that you don’t need to be bossy to be the boss — but you do have to be the leader. It’s your job to establish clear expectations, set priorities, and follow up with your employees (or contractors) to ensure they’re holding up their end of the bargain. At the end of the day, you won’t be doing anyone any favours by being sheepish about the power you hold; it’s much easier for everyone if you can learn to be direct and unapologetic about the fact that you’re the one writing the paycheques.

We could go on and on, but let’s stop there for now and turn it over to you. What are your hiring challenges? Do you have questions or concerns about making your first hire? Share them with us in the comments and we’ll do our best to answer. To sweeten the deal, we’re offering a free copy of The Boss of You to one randomly-selected commenter, so pipe up!

May 8th, 2008

Walking to Rivendell

Despite being overweight, I often forget to eat because I get caught up in a problem, realize I’m hungry, form the intent to feed myself, and then get distracted by something shiny, and forget. This, combined with the fact that writing is a sedentary career choice (not that doing mortgage loans was much better), does not bode well for physical fitness.

And yet, I find I’m no longer willing to sacrifice my health because the muse is calling. In fact, I’m learning that when I’m riding an endorphin buzz my muse speaks in a louder voice, and I write faster and more to the point.

Which is right now I’m part of a four-member virtual walk from Bag End (where the Hobbits live) to Rivendell, thanks to a new iPod Nano, a free stationery bike, and this great site that offers a mile by mile breakdown of the 478-mile trip the Fellowship of the Ring took in the first book of the trilogy.

We have dubbed ourselves the Fellowship of the Wheel, and while we’re only on Day Three, I’m already finding that it’s bringing out my competitive streak. I want to do enough miles every day, on the bike and with the dogs, so that I’m not in last place. Ever.

Maybe after a summer of this I’ll feel more confident about riding my road bike to Starbucks in the mornings, instead of driving, but even if I don’t, I’m certain that I’ll be gliding through life on an endorphin buzz.

And my muse is down with that.

May 7th, 2008

Guest Bloggers - The Boss Ladies

Back in February I talked about resources for women entrepreneurs and mentioned the then upcoming book, The Boss of You by Lauren Bacon and Emira Mears. I was not shy in my praise, although I had not read the book yet, since I’ve followed these two extremely talented ladies for some time and I know they have sound, informative and invaluable advice to share. I am really excited to have these two fine ladies guest blog here on All Things Girl tomorrow as part of their Blog Book Tour. I’m really looking forward to reading what they post. The topic is about staying true to yourself when you become the boss of someone else.

I invite all our readers to de-lurk and comment tomorrow as we will randomly pick one lucky commenter to receive a free copy of The Boss of You.

You may want to also read the other posts on the Blog Book Tour so far including:

• How do I know when it’s time to hire some outside help?
• How do you figure out who to hire?

May 7th, 2008

Science Fiction Novel Appeals to Mainstream Audiences

Earth has been invaded and humans have become hosts to “The Souls”, who take over the minds of the human while leaving their body intact. Out there, however, are those rebel humans: they are the survivors….

Melanie was one such survivor. She and her brother Jamie had been hiding, resisting being taken by a soul. While in hiding, she had also met another survivor – Jared – and in a tribute to the human spirit, they fell in love. While attempting to rescue her cousin, Melanie is captured.

The Wanderer is an experienced soul. She is called The Wanderer because of the many planets she has been to. She is the soul chosen to be placed in Melanie. The problem, though, is that The Wanderer isn’t able to shake the memories – or the hold – on Melanie’s mind. She is shaken, especially, with Melanie’s memories of Jared and Jeremy. The Wanderer begins a journey more dangerous to her than any previous journey – and sets out to find those that Melanie loves. The Wanderer, you see, has discovered that she loves them as well.

The Host is an amazingly well written story of journeys, love, sacrifice, survival, acceptance and the human spirit.

You can read an excerpt from The Host here and find out more about the author, Stephenie Meyer, who happens to be the ATG Covergirl.
Little, Brown and Company chose well by publishing The Host under it’s main fiction line instead of it’s science fiction imprint. The story The Host tells is universal and appealing to all, not just those who are interested in just the invasion of Earth by an alien lifeform.

Run, by the way, do not walk, to your local bookseller (or buy online for handy-dandy delivery) to pick up The Host.

May 3rd, 2008

From the Editor: Welcome to Sacrifice (May/June 2008)

According to Webster’s,   one of the definitions of “sacrifice” is:  “to suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy especially for an ideal, belief, or end.”   Sacrifices come in both big and small ways.    We see the big sacrifices on the news and in our history books, but all around us, people are making the small sacrifices and aren’t even recognized.  Personal sacrifices….if we get down to it….are the things we ask ourselves:  Could I do that?  I welcome you to the third issue of 2008: Sacrifice

As you flip through the virtual pages of All Things Girl and our May/June issue, I hope you are able to pause and savor the incredible pieces that make-up this wonderful ezine. First, our classics and representative of our theme: Writings & Arts. In Writings…. you will find pieces that make you hold your breath or maybe hold back a tear…..  I know you’re recognize some names here in Writings….and will be thrilled at the discovery of some new talent as well. And what can I say about Arts? Art is lovely and thought provoking and heartbreaking.

Everything Girl is downright amazing this month.  We are going literary in May and are so pleased to have Author Phenon Stephenie Meyer as our cover girl - as well as author (and screenwriter) Tom Rob Smith as our Man of the Month.  You will also find interviews with authors Felicia Sullivan and Lauren Henderson, and Fashion Designer Amy Tangerine.    Our resident columnists have more than outdone themselves….and I have to tell you that how blessed I feel to know these amazing women. We are also fortunate to hear some wise words from a couple of guest columnists. Be sure an grab a nice cup of tea when you sit down to read Everything Girl!  And let’s not forget Reviews. You’ll find music reviews , movie reviews and book reviews.

As always, keep an eye on The Blog. You never know what you might find as the editors and columnists share what’s on their minds…..

We’re still taking submissions for “Sacrifice” by the way, but you need to be quick. We’ll have a mid-issue update June 1st and will be adding a few items here and there…   If you are inspired to share your talents, submissions are open for future editions of All Things Girl – and we can’t wait to see what you’ve got!

I know that each of you make sacrifices each day, and I want you to know how amazed I am as I hear the stories that women tell me.  I also see that Memorial Day is coming, and it reminds me of those sacrifices so many men and women have made in times of war.  Sacrifices are signs of love…. I hope you are able to find your in blessings…..

May 1st, 2008

May Day?

The merry month of May conjures up visions of maypoles, tulips and…snow? Yes, welcome to Colorado. I woke up today to find it snowing. At 9:00 it was white-out driving conditions as I inched my way through traffic across town to a doctor’s appointment. By evening I was wearing gloves to brace my hands from the chill of the steering wheel. Just yesterday, it was 80 degrees and I mowed my lawn in shorts, sweat beading down the sides of my face. If you love the change of seasons Colorado is the place for you…you can get all four in the span of one week! Wonder what Mother’s Day will bring?

April 29th, 2008

A Great Way to Spend a Sunday Afternoon….

I’m an avid reader and like most readers, I have my favorite authors. It never fails that when the next James Patterson “Alex Cross” book is released, I am there at the bookstore on that Tuesday (new books, CD’s and DVD’s are typically released on Tuesdays). When I read that Patterson was dabbling in romance, I wasn’t so sure. He was amazing at making me bite my nails at the suspense in his mysteries, but a romance?

Jane Margaux is a lonely little girl. Her father is basically absent, her mother a high powered Broadway producer. The only time Vivienne (her mother) has for Jane is on Sundays, when they stroll the streets of New York and go admire the lovely things at Tiffany’s. Her best (and only) friend is Michael, who is invisible to everyone but her. Some would call Michael “imaginary”, but he wasn’t to Jane. They shared ice cream on Sundays and he walked her to school each day. Until, that is, her 9th birthday, when the rules stated that Michael had to go away. Children usually forget their imaginary friends as time faded, but Jane swore she never would….

Twenty-three years later, Jane is a successful playwright. She still, however, is more trapped by her overbearing mother. Her fiance, while proclaiming to love her, is pushing her to allow him to star in the movie version of her play. One day, she meets a man who is funny and warm…and his name is Michael. Of all the children Michael has been an imaginary friend to, he never forgot Jane Margeaux and he wonders why their paths crossed again. And how was it that, unlike all the other children, Jane never forgot him? Can the best friend of her past turn out to be the true love of her life?

I will confess that I read Sunday at Tiffany’s in one day…. I dismissed my need for sleep and stayed up until the last page had been turned. Parts of the book made me smile and parts of the book made me all kinds of weepy. So in answer to my doubts? Yes, James Patterson (this time with help from Gabrielle Charbonnet) can write a page-turning romance.

If you want to read a story that shows you love from many angles, be sure and check out Sunday at Tiffany’s. It will be time well spent!

April 24th, 2008

Announcement from the National Fibromyalgia Association

As May 12th will be the Fibromyalgia National  Awareness Day, (in both America and the UK) and I will be writing a column for the May/June addition of All Things Girl, I thought I would  pass on this alert I just received announcing a BlogTalkRadio discussion that will be broadcast tomorrow, check below to find your local time.   

If you suffer from muscle and joint pains, sleep problems, extreme fatigue and other diverse problems but nothing has shown up in clinical tests, you may be interested  in learning more about it.  I have suffered from this condition for over 15 years, but  many people are still fail  to get a diagnoses for years.  It is NOT life threatening but it is a chronic condition.  However, with a proper diagnoses, education it and support it can be better managed.   Look out for my article on May 1st, where I will provide lots of links to help you understand the condition better. there is also a link at the bottom to the NFA for more information.

Leading Social Radio Network—BlogTalkRadio—to feature Lynne Matallana, President & Founder of the National Fibromyalgia AssociationLive on www.blogtalkradio.com/fibromyalgia Join Lynne Matallana, president and founder of the National Fibromyalgia Association, as she discusses National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day and the NFA’s “Caring by Sharing” campaign. Friday, April 25, 2008 from 10:00 am - 11:00 am Pacific Time, 1 pm EST HOW TO PARTICIPATE:  Listen live at www.blogtalkradio.com/fibromyalgia  or  Call in to listen live at (646) 915-9615

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